Deceptive Little Love Triangle
by Sweetblood the vampire
Summary: Cat just wanted to watch her favorite show.By a freak accident she is transported to the world of Zim.There,she is the object of affection of both Zim and Dib.The big question is,who will it be? A story of love,hate,betrayal and Gir's waffles.Please R&R.
1. Swollen Eyeball

-1** Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim. Damn!**

**(A/N: Ha, ha, I get to say something. It should be something good… Well this is my first fan fiction story so please review. I would like some reviews to hear who roots for who. Also, sorry for me using my pen name in the story. Now, I will abandon you for taquitos with cheese. Not that you needed to know that…) **

**Swollen Eyeball**

Cat's POV

Tak the Hideous New Girl. I was watching my favorite Invader Zim episode. It was the one time the audience can see Zim's attempts at human affection. I couldn't help but awww and give girly screams as Zim tried to win Tak over with muffins and cards. Commercials came on and I was left to wonder what Zim might be able to have been as a boyfriend if Tak hadn't ruined everything.

I heard a loud, clunking, noise coming from next to the TV. It came from my father's Parallel Universe Transporter, (PUT for short). An invention that had made my father "world renowned,"

over night. Eventually he invented other things that surpassed the capabilities of this old thing.

The commercials started blurring and a wavy line disrupted the image on the TV screen. I bent down to find the problem without any luck, so I just started connecting and disconnecting wires behind the television before Zim came back on. The voice of my green invader came through so I grabbed a bunch of red connections and connected them into the red outlets. The picture wasn't fixed so I did what everybody does when they get frustrated with a machine. I hit it.

The picture came back on and I stepped back to review my work. Just then, my neighbor's crazy dog came bursting into the living room/ lab.

"Get this dog out of here!" I yelled at my younger brother. He was always trying to torment me.

"But he likes you!" He smiled innocently.

"I'm gonna get you!" I threatened.

My sibling ran out of the room and I backed away from the snarling dog. A shoe left on the floor carelessly tripped me and I fell through the open, swirling, portal of the universe transporter.

The last thing I heard was the canine's low barks and the Invader Zim theme song. The dog started to look as if he were moving in slow motion. My body started to elongate and resemble spaghetti along with the sound getting slower and lower. I wondered where I was being sent to, with this machine one had to be very specific.

While I tried to remember which setting the PUT had been set on, my hands started going numb.

This was a common affect of the transporter along with the coldness I felt in my feet and the blood rushing to my head. My eyelids started getting heavier and in less that thirty seconds I was succumbed by darkness.

Gir's POV

"Awww… Are you a pretty girl?" I asked the INTRUDER that came through the thingy my master built.

She open-ed her eyes and said "What?"

She looked hungry so I open-ed my head and pulled out a taco. "Have a taco! I love tacos." I really do like tacos, and pigs, pizza too. And bacon, acorns….

"No thanks." She rubbed her head and looked around. "This is Zim's lab!" She yelled.

She scared me **bad** so I ran screaming in circles. I learned from the monkeys that screaming only makes things better.

"And you're Gir!" She rubbed her eyes and looked at me. I looked back.

"Yes I am." What else could I say?

"Wow!" She smiled big.

"Want some waffles?" Mrs. Crumbly on the Walton show ALWAYS offers waffles. She said it showed good hosting.

"No thanks." She said softly.

A tear started welling up in my eye and more came. I cried loudly since that way everyone always listened. Mrs. Crumbly would be so angry if she didn't eat my waffles!

"Don't cry Gir!" The girl looked panicked. It was working so I cried even louder.

"All right." She agreed.

"Yay!" I clapped my hands, just likes the little kids on Barney. She followed me to the kitchen.

Cat's POV 

I had awakened on a cold, hard, floor. As my two eyelids slowly opened, I saw two, huge, bright, baby blue eyes staring at me. My head hurt like crazy so that I would have gladly taken a sledgehammer to my skull rather than the pain I felt now.

Still left in a daze and as the blood in my body started circulating correctly again, I slowly started to recognize the thing staring at me.

Bright eyes, antenna, stitched mouth with a trademark tongue sticking out, this was Gir! I heard him ask me if I was a pretty girl and responded with a what; I was in too much shock to answer his question.

I sat up to look at my surroundings and exclaimed this is Zim's lab. Gir offered me a taco which I refused. A dangerous thing with Gir, refusal.

Gir looked so odd right before my very eyes. He was actually pretty tall, perhaps a couple of inches shorter than me. His body was made of metals I have never seen before. It was silver with white swirls in it. I could see my reflection in his glass, blue, eyes.

The lab looked different from how it looks on TV and yet the same. The giant computer screen was there a long with the dissecting table and a small screen over the giant one that Zim checked for the front door. Strange, alien, writing decorated everything. It was a series of circle and lines with zig zags all connected to make a design or frame. The computer was framed with the writing and the keyboard below had over a hundred more buttons than the conventional keyboard. Wires had been pulled out in a mass from under the computer, perhaps Zim's latest project.

"Want some waffles?" Gir asked while holding a stuffed pig.

"No thanks." I answered knowing that I was eating waffles whether or not I wanted some. Of course he started crying so I agreed. He led me to the pod that went downstairs. I had always wondered what it felt like to go down these things. In fact, they are a lot like an elevator only cool air is shot from the floor and down we go.

Gir walked and hummed to the kitchen, he looked at me sheepishly every so often as he took out his waffle ingredients.

I looked around the living room while waiting for my sure to be soapy waffles. The green monkey picture hung over the brown, pink, sofa. The window curtains were slightly open so I could see the gnomes standing guard outside.

A small table held pictures of Zim and Gir. Both Gir and Zim were in one picture in a heart. Another picture was of Gir's head sideways. Then there was a picture of Zim's eye, another of his hand reaching for the camera and one more of his 5o's hair. All framed.

"Who wants waffles?" Gir asked while setting a stack of them on the table for me. He gave me a fork, knife, and napkin so that nothing could prevent me from eating his waffles.

I sat at the table and began eating the monster sized stack he had given me.

"I'm gonna make s'more waffles." A cheerful Gir stated. I was about to argue but then realized that the attempt would be futile. Instead I decided to go with a different question.

"Gir? Where is Zim?"

He placed another stack near me and answered. "I think…" He paused a moment. "He's at Skool."

Well, I could come and go on the transporter as I pleased. Meeting Zim would be really cool.

"Gir?" His antennae perked up. "What time does Skool start? "

He thought a moment. "Eight -eighteen!"

I looked at the clock on the wall. It read seven- forty five.

"Gir, I want to go to school. Will you lead me there?" I looked pleadingly.

"Yay!" He answered. I smiled.

"Great! I'm just going to get a backpack."

I climbed into the toilet and reached the lab. The portal I had come through just happened to be the Space time Object Replacement Device. After the whole swirling thing I landed with a thump on the carpet of my house. A backpack and school supplies is what I needed so I grabbed them and raced back to the transporter.

A thought came to mind then, why did I land in Zim's world. I checked behind my TV and saw that the transporters wires had been connected with the TV's wire when I was tring to readjust it.

I stepped into the opening and was sent again to Zim's lab. I glanced at another clock, it read seven- fifty. "Wow, five minutes."

I whooshed downstairs and found Gir waiting for me with a stare the Ring girl couldn't copy.

"Ready Gir?" I asked while shifting my bag's weight to both my shoulders.

"Whee! Let's go!" He replied screaming and ran out the door while zipping up his dog suit.

Gir led the way to school. I followed with wide eyes as I observed everything around me. Houses all looked the same only in varying colors. Squirrels ran across the yards of close by houses while women watering there grass ignored them. I thought that in this world, everything would look cartoonish and fake, what I saw proved to the contrary. Objects looked different only normal here. One had to stop and think in order to remember this is not the way things are, a lot like the furniture in Mickey Mouse's house in Disneyland or experiencing a movie for two hours at the movie theaters. I looked at my own hand, it was outlined in dark black and my skin color was more vibrant than in my universe. I felt so 2D.

I smiled and turned my head facing forward. A black figure caught my eye. Black coat, black boots, Sonic the Hedgehog black hair…

"Dib!" I yelled, excited tot meet another Invader Zim character. I ran to his side in awe with Gir close behind.

Dib spun around to meet me. The sudden call of his name had startled him causing his glasses to slip the off the bridge of his nose. "Umm…" He pushed his glasses back in place. "Hi?"

"Hi!" I smiled and could hardly contain my excitement. I loved Dib; of course I loved Zim more. Still this was too good to be true.

"Are you new here?" He asked curiously as I walked along side him.

"Yes I am." I answered.

"Are you going to Skool?" He asked me.

"Yeah, Gir is leading me there." I looked to my side and saw Gir heading towards a building called Dance Club. Ditched by a dog. "Was."

"Gir?" Dib asked looking at the empty space I pointed at.

"Never mind." I shook my head.

"By the way I'm Cat. Short for Catherine."

Dib smiled, "Hi Cat."

"Do you mind if I walk with you? Gir ditched me and I have no idea about how to get to school." It would have been really weird if I just followed him. Stalker.

"Sure! Alright!" Dib agreed eagerly. "By the way, not to pry, how did you know my name?"

I thought quickly and responded with the first thing that popped into my head. "I'm part of the Swollen Eyeball organization."

Dib stopped dead in his tracks. "You're a part of the Swollen Eyeball? I've never heard of you. What is your paranormal finder name?" He stared intently.

" Yeahummm…Sweetblood?" (A/N: he he) He tried to recall my name with out luck.

"You're not going to remember the name. I'm very new to the organization." I hope he doesn't check.

He smiled and looked enthusiastic. "I'm so glad I know someone that's a part of it! Since you're new I'll help introduce you to the world of the paranormal. Now to start there's this videotape on Bigfeet…"

We arrived at the Skool while Dib kept on bragging about his adventures. The most recent was the giant chicken.

"So the doctor just unzipped the zipper and the case was solved. So look out for the fake paranormal, but you'll get used to disappointment." I thanked him for his advice and looked around the school.

Out of the corner of my eye, a flash of green made me turn my head in an instant. It was **Zim**! My mouth was held agape and smiling as I slowly trailed behind the Irken invader as if in a trance.

Dib grabbed my arm and steered me in the right direction. "Yup. You're definitely a part of the Swollen E. you noticed he's an alien right away right?" He nodded happily in saying it.

"What? Oh yeah." I agreed in a daze.

"So should I call you Cat or Sweetblood?" He asked.

"I appreciate both." I was still watching Zim. He was at the Dodge ball court, eyeing a dodge ball carefully. I knew what came next.

I ran towards Zim and intercepted a dodge ball headed straight for his head. I threw it back at the people and turned to face him. He had his gloved hands out to protect his face and closed eyes. Apparently he had seen what I had done for him for he spoke to me.

"Why thank you human. That ball could have hit Zim's important head." He held his head high in saying this. After all, he is superior.

"You're welcome." I smiled and half closed my eyes dreamily. "It was an honor…" I giggled and blushed.

"Good! You **should** feel honored. After all I am Ziim." He laughed maniacally.

"I know." I giggled again.

"Hmmm… You seem different." He paused and looked at a child hang from a bar upside down and then fall on his head. "From the other human worm babies."

"Really? Thanks." I was surprised and gushed over the compliment.

"Yes, yes, thank Zim. Now leave me be you filthy human." He marched away and didn't look back.

"Don't be offended, he calls everyone filthy." Faithful Dib came by my side. I suppose he had witnessed everything.

"So why did you save him from the ball Sweetblood?" He asked?

"Oh well…He is an alien we should report to the Swollen E right? So, we don't want to turn in damaged goods!" I shuddered for effect.

"Right." Dib nodded in agreement. The bell rang.

"So where do you go now?" Dib asked. I watched Zim leave and answered. "I go where the alien goes of course!"

"Really? So you were **sent** by the counsel? Did they get my E-mails?" He asked excitedly as we walked to class.

"No. Self-assigned." I wouldn't want him checking up on with the Swollen Eyeball to confirm.

"Oh, well my class is with Zim. I can use your help in capturing an alien." Poor Dib. This was just like the time he thought the counselor would help him. What rotten luck.

Ms. Bitters saw me walk in and told the class that there was a new student. "State your name and anything else. Then remain quite the rest of the year." She shadowed back to her desk and watched.

"Hi. My name is Cat and…" I looked around the room. Stage fright, lots of it. What to say? He, he, what would Zim say? "And all of you would do very well to stay out of my way! This pathetic world is useless and I intend to make some big changes when I am ruler of the human race! All the smart people will be in charge and everyone else will be slaves!"

I turned to Ms. Bitters and said, "I'm done."

"Well said Cat," She smiled and pointed to a child in the middle of the room. "I don't like you." Once she said that a hole opened under the child's desk and both he and the desk fell into a pit. A new desk appeared. As I walked to my new desk, I saw that both Zim's and Dib's expressions were of shock. My plan worked. Excellent.

"Today class you will be proving why we are going to die from lack of natural resources. State why our killing trees and wasting water can only lead to the destruction of the human race and other Earth inhabitants." Ms. Bitters opened a role call book. "You will be working with partners since the school board feels it enhances your learning capabilities. Lies, all of them."

She began to read the list of partners, I heard celebrations and some groans.

"Zita and Lar,

Gam and Jan

Jer and Dan

Kate and Jill

Dib and Angie

Zim and Cat."

She continued reading from the list. From Angie I heard a, "Yes!" From Dib I heard a forehead hitting hard wood.

Zim didn't look at me but I continued to gaze lovingly at him.

"Now with your partners go to the lab tables and write an essay on the world's doom from finite resources."

The class started moving and I patiently waited as Zim marched down the aisle and to the table of his choice. This should be fun.' I thought.

Dib's POV

Sweetblood, what an odd name. It sounded pro- vampires. Still she seemed trust worthy, and like her name sweet. Although now I was confused. Did she really want to enslave the earth? I'm so glad someone from the Swollen Eyeball is here, now I'm not so weird. She'll need someone to sit with at lunch. I'll ask her later.

How come Zim got to be her partner? There are so many questions I want to ask her. But no I had to get Angie.

"I'm really glad we're partners Dib." Angie laughed than snorted. "So what do you want to write about Dib?"

"How about wasting water?" I gave her something.

I watched Zim and Cat at their table. Zim was standing on his chair, yelling and waving his fist in the air. She seemed to be listening intently. In all honesty it seemed as though she couldn't take her eyes off of him.

"Then there are the water towers which are completely unsanitary." Angie continued.

"Completely." I added. She wrote it down.

Now Sweetblood was standing and yelling at Zim. He nodded and she wrote something on their essay paper. It looked as if he asked her something and she nodded in agreement. What were they saying?

Cat's POV during Dib's POV

I love Zim. I really do. I'm coming here everyday even if all he does is scorn me. He's so cute and egotistical that it's simply irresistible.

"Listen to Zim you disgusting earth worm! Earth will not be conquered by you but by Zim! So forget all your plans for world domination. Fear me! Fear me now!" He stood on his chair angrily and one of his eyes was bigger than the other.

"Ok Zim." I answered dreamily.

He seemed bewildered by my sudden surrender. "Eh? Umm… All right. Good." He sat down clearly not receiving the battle he expected.

Well, I didn't want to disappoint him so I thought of a display to show that I could be as crazy as him.

Especially since that was the only reason he would willing talk to me.

"You may try to conquer Earth, Zim." I started. "Just know your attempts will be futile. **I **already know of three ways in which the earth can be destroyed and the human race eliminated." I tried my best to imitate his stance and look as deranged as he usually does.

"Human filth worm. Why would you want to eliminate your own species?" He asked, fist and jaw clenched.

Again, what would Zim say? "My mind works in ways your inferior brain could never comprehend!" I said and sat down.

He gasped and replied, "Oh you will pay. The pain I shall give!"

"The pain I would return!" It was fun imitating Zim.

He sat down, glaring at me with a hate so great it made me shiver.

I began the essay and returned to my recent new girl composure.

"The rainforest? Want to write about them?" I asked shyly. (This seemed completely obnoxious next to my invader behavior.

He nodded.

I mostly wrote the essay. Within ten minutes I finished and then snuck a peek at Zim. He was still glaring.

"What are the three ways?" He asked, more so, demanded.

I couldn't answer with out being responsible for the earth's demise.

"I can't tell you. There are too many people around." I shrugged.

"Tell Zim! Tell me now!" He grit his teeth and stood.

"Later." I promised.

"Come to Zim's house and there you shall tell Zim your plans. I must record it!"

"Your house?" I squeaked. Zim was actually inviting me to his abode! "All right! Sure!" I nodded with enthusiasm.

Ms. Bitters called for the assignments. Zim stood to go back to his seat while I handed in the paper.

As an after thought, Zim added, "And Zim's brain is far more superior than yours!"

( I have more written, but I wanted some reviews before continuing. That way I won't waste energy on writing something that noone else will read. This is just the beginning so just know that it gets way better.

I Am SWEETBLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow long chapter. Sorry.)


	2. The Human Girl Will Be Mine!

-1** Disclaimer: Wow, déjà vu, I feel like I have said this before… Well since I am obsessive compulsive I'll say it again. I do not own Invader Zim. Damn! Seriously…Déjà vu.**

**(A/n: I just want to say thank you to my first two reviewers, AwwHamburgersIloveButters and to Nikushimi no Ai. Thanks guys, I hope you continue reading. Now… Onward to VICTORY!!!!!)**

The bell rang for recess and Dib rushed to my side.

"Hi." I called.

"Hi." He nodded back. "So umm…What was that about enslaving earth?" He seemed worried.

"Oh, the whole thing?" I gestured towards the classroom. "Isn't that how Zim would act?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's why it's so weird." His voice full of concern.

"That was only to confuse the enemy." I tried to reassure him while searching for my green skinned Casanova.

"Hey Gaz, meet Cat. Cat this is Gaz." I shrieked as Dib introduced us.

"Hey Gaz." I stooped to her height since she was sitting on the stone steps. Without looking up from her video game she answered. "Hey." Wow! She was just as cool in person.

"So where did you move here from?" Dib asked while chewing a chocolate bar.

"Forks, Washington." I answered, stating a location from my favorite book. (A/N: Twilight)

"I heard its rainy there." He took another bite.

"It is." I answered.

I finally spotted Zim, he was pressing buttons on some gadget of his. The frustrated look on his face made it seem as though he wasn't having any success.

"So have you found anything unusual yet? Something supernatural or strange?" Dib asked curiously.

"Just some ghost that closes my door and turns the lights in my house on and off." I answered casually.

"Really? Did you catch it on tape?" Dib was so easy to please. He awaited my answer.

"Yeah but they destroyed it. Now its just white noise." I tried to look sad.

"Zim did the same thing to me once. Stupid waffles!" He shook a fist in Zim's direction.

"Don't forget the muffin." I added.

"Oh yeah." He remembered. "Stupid muffin!!!" He stopped a moment and looked at me. "How did you know about the muffin?" A suspicious look came about his face.

I stuttered for an answer. " The Swollen Eyeball sees all?" I said. "Which is why it's swollen." I added while nodding to dramatize it's power.

"Right." Dib, so gullible.

The bell rang and we all returned to class. As soon as we were all in our seats, Ms. Bitters started her lesson on the Spanish Influenza. Just when I thought I could take no more the bell rang again for lunch. It was no wonder why both Zim and Dib were always cranky. I would be too if I had to hear her drone everyday.

"Wanna have lunch with me Sweetblood?" Dib asked as he walked by my side. "And Gaz?" He added as an afterthought.

"Sure." I didn't see any hope of eating with Zim.

"Great!" He pulled me towards the lunch ladies and handed me a tray. A big mean looking lady with a plastic hat gave me an orangy, brown, beige, looking thing with either an olive or eye staring at me.

"This is legally edible, right?" I asked Dib as we took our spot at the lunch table.

"I already checked it out." Dib said with knowing in his tone. "No, its not. Only the muffins, chocolate pudding, and avocados are safe to eat. The rest of it is attempting suicide." He took a spoonful of pudding.

"All right." I took his advice.

I watched Zim sit alone at his table as always. He moved his food around in a bored way. How I wanted to walk over there and just sit with him all through lunch. I wondered how he would react.

The bell rang again and everyone moved to get to class. Loyal Dib came by my side and I just as loyally followed Zim.

After enduring class a little longer, the end of the school day came. Papers and rulers were thrown in the air as crazy kids ran down the school steps.

"Zim!" I ran to the Irken once Dib left in the direction of his house with Gaz. "I don't know how to get to your house." I lied.

He just stood there and glared as if he couldn't remember. Then realization dawned. "Wait! Yes…Zim remembers. Follow me and the amazing Zim will lead you, pathetic earthworm." He turned around and marched in the general direction of his base. I, of coarse, followed adoringly. On our walk over there, I noticed that Zim was actually taller than me. Come to think of it, so was Dib! Did I shrink? Did they grow? I was pretty tall in my universe. Hmm…peculiar.

We arrived at his base. I hadn't noticed the first time but the guard dwarfs were actually pretty tall. Zim opened the front door with the men's sign on it and his two robotic parents came to greet us.

"Gir!" Zim called. Gir came in from the kitchen to meet us.

"Hellooo." The little robot answered. "Hey! You're back !"

Zim looked at Gir in a confused way. "Of coarse I'm back Gir. I always come at this time."

Gir came towards me with the stack of waffles I had left. "You didn't finish!"

Zim got a suspicious look on his face. "**You** didn't finish **your** waffles?" He looked at Gir. "She was here before?!!!"

Gir smiled and started to rapidly explain. "She came through a swirly thing and landed in your lab. We ate waffles and then the chicken came. Then we all had tea with the monkeys! And then we all flew to the moon…" He stopped his imitation of an airplane and sighed. "It was fun."

Zim spun around to meet me. "Why were you in Zim's lab? Why? Tell me! Tell me now!"

I stammered for an answer. Should I tell him about the PUT? Such indecision.

"Well? Zim is waiting!" His antennae was down in an annoyed fashion.

"I came through something…" Genius, sheer genius.

"Eh? And what was this something putrid human?" He walked a few paces and shifted his glace towards me.

"Nothing." I answered.

"Nothing, or something?" He smiled wickedly as if his battle was already won.

"Nugatory." I answered.

"Eh? Enough of these games! Tell Zim!" He stomped his foot.

"Fine! I came though a transporter." I mumbled the last part.

"What was that?" Zim raised his eyebrow space.

"A transporter. My dad invented a parallel universe transporter and I stumbled into it." I awaited his reaction.

"A universal transporter? How did your father's inferior, worm, mass of a brain come about such technology?" He eyed me and waited for my answer.

"He's considered very smart in our world. One of the top minds actually." Zim looked skeptical as I said this.

"Show me this Transporter. But touch nothing! Everything you see is normal. So normal even you don't know what it is. Yep, because I am one of you human filthies." He said as I began to lead him to the portal in his lab.

Once we reached the device, I started to explain how it worked. At first, Zim interrupted every so often and said that he could comprehend the machine with out my help. After some time, he actually started nodding at what I said.

"You're knowledge of this device might be of some use to me human. Not that Zim couldn't understand it alone." He pointed a finger skyward.

In order to be helpful, I started to name the faults of his Space Time Object Device and he actually agreed. "See, the problem with it is that the coordinates of the object you wish to replace. That and the fact that it has to be an object of greater importance." We continued speaking and debating about the improvement of Zim's other weapons and machinery. Pretty soon , Zim forgot all about my ideas for world domination.

"I see what you mean human. Silicone coated wires would make the machine more accurate." Zim held his demolition device near his face thoughtfully.

"Yeah…" I smiled and stared at him until he met my gaze with irritation.

"Yes, well…Thank you human for helping me. You may leave Zim now." He started to push me out of the lab.

Once we had move me towards the door I started to argue.

"But Zim, I could help you with all of your other projects! Give me a chance!" I pleaded with him.

"Your services are no longer needed. Your explanations of the transporter were most helpful and you will forever be acknowledged in my eyes. Reward the child Gir." Gir advanced with an open head when I stopped him.

"Wait Zim!" The door was open and I had one foot outside when I bumped into something. Zim stopped pushing me long enough to see what was blocking my exit.

"Sweetblood?"

I turned around to meet Dib. "Dib?"

He held a slushy in his hand and seemed bewildered in finding me here. "What are you doing here?" He scratched his head in confusion.

"Umm… I was hanging out with Zim." The truth shall set me free.

"What is, 'hanging out'?" Zim made hand quotation mark with his three fingers.

"Visiting. (A/N: I got this from Spanglish) Why are you here Dib?" I looked at Dib.

"I came to try and sneak in and take pictures." He looked at Zim in askance. "Did he put a probe in your brain? Zim if you did I'll…" I interrupted before he could finish.

"No probes Dib." He looked at me doubtfully.

"What if the probe makes you say that?"

Zim's POV

Disgusting, filthy, human, earth worm. Who does he think he is? MY brilliant defenses of my own creation are far to impenetrable. Why am I so amazing?

Even now he proves his pig likeness. He accuses me of planting a probe in this human female's brain. Why, the way he speaks and worries of her you would think they are mates. Look at him. Yelling and accusing. The size of a saucer plate that head.

Now he is telling the human female how dangerous he thinks it is for her to be near me. She's trying to tell him that she wasn't in any danger so that he needn't worry. What was that look in Dib's eye when he spoke to her? It was a common look some older human filthies gave to the opposite gender. Was it dislike? Kindness? Confusion?

Wait! I have heard of an emotion that was thrown about on this planet as casually as hate was thrown about. LOVE! Yes… This love has already proven to be powerful. It is a useless emotion to an Irken. I only know that this love has something to do with infatuation and pain. Yes, much pain.

Perhaps I can attempt to harness this, 'love' once more. At the very least, it would annoy Dib. Not only that but this particular human seems to have knowledge the other humans don't have. She already seems to be mildly trustworthy.

Yes! It is decided! The human girl shall be mine! And Dib's head shall explode! I AM ZIM!!!!!!


	3. Awkward

-1 **(Disclaimer: Invader Zim is short and green**

**My eyes light up when he comes on screen.**

**He was never mine, not at all**

**But hey, at least I can say that I am tall.)**

**(A/N: Worst poem ever! You know, disclaimers can actually be fun if you give them a chance! I have read my new reviews and I just want to say that…Sniff Sniff I love you all so much!( She starts crying tears as fake as those of the beauty queen winners while people roll their eyes). No, but really you guys are great. A lot of exclamation points coming your way!!!!!!!!!)**

**The challenge:**

**Dib's POV**

**Sweetblood is new here and clearly naïve of the danger Zim could pose to her. Sure it isn't obvious at first, what with Zim's idiotic remarks and lack of human knowledge, but he could still be a threat to her.**

**I don't know what Zim is planning but whatever it is, I'll make sure it doesn't work.**

"**I'm just saying Cat, make sure he doesn't come anywhere near your brain." I told her. "He's an alien you know." I added even though she said she did before. **

"**Yeah, I know." She nodded. **

"**Lies! You lie! Zim is as human as Snicker doodles! Just look ay my neck!" Zim looked at each of us anxiously as if he expected one of us to contradict him. "Besides," he continued, " Cat is as safe here with me," he put an arm around her, " as a mouse is in it's cocoon." She blushed and moved in closer to him. **

**I felt as if a fire were building up in my stomach. Why would she enjoy being hugged by an alien? Something is seriously wrong here.**

"**I'll see you at school Cat!" I came up face to face with Zim and added. "I'll be there first thing in the morning." Without my wanting to it came out much like a challenge.**

"**I'll walk you there Cat." Zim retorted.**

**I was going to say I'll carry you but that was too much. " I'll give you a tour of the playground!" **

**Zim thought a moment and said, " I'll show you which people are the rejects, the idiots and the morons. Starting now." He poked my eye. "Idiot."**

**I held my eye in pain. Then both Zim and I offered simultaneously, "I'll sit with you at lunch!"**

**I turned to see Cat's expression.**

**Cat's POV**

**I turned my glance from Zim to Dib and Dib to Zim. Oh the confusion I felt! The tension in the air almost suffocated me! The only one who seemed as cool as a cucumber was Zim. As if he were playing some sort of game that didn't really matter.**

**Well, what am I to say to all this?**

"**All right?" They nodded at me and returned to giving each other death glares.**

"**Now get away from my base! Gnomes! Escort the human filth worm to the sidewalk." Zim stood by happily as we both watched Dib get dragged away by the emotionless guard gnomes.**

"**I don't know what you're planning Zim! But it won't work!" **

"**Oh yes it will Dib." I can handle the pain." Zim smiled wickedly and closed the door. **

"**What pain?" That was the last thing I heard Dib say before Zim closed the door.**

"**Zim?" I started. **

**He looked at me in an irritated way and asked, "Yes, human female?"**

**I smiled since he decided to not add filthy to my mention. "I have to go home now."**

"**Yes, yes, I'll see you at the portal tomorrow." He led me to the place under his desk that leads to the lab.**

**We stood in front of the portal and Zim turned towards me. His face showed frustration, he then gave me a kiss on the cheek.**

**I felt for the spot on my face and blushed.**

"**Yes. Feel honored Cat human. The mighty Zim has kissed you! Now, leave." And with that he tuned me towards the portal door and gave me a shove.**

**ZIM POV**

**Yeukkk! Why would humans voluntarily kiss? It's wrong! Completely wrong! Well, at least it got a good initial reaction from the human. I have read that blushing, in most cases, can be a very good reaction for the other party. Still, what purpose does it serve?! **

**Dib's POV**

**He doesn't even like humans! Of all the other girls in the classroom, why the only one who doesn't think that I'm weird? I wonder if Cat likes Chocolate…**


	4. The Wettening

-1**(Disclaimer: Invader Zim, how to describe thee,**

**obnoxious, overzealous, and mine you'll never be.**

**But as Cat, there might be a chance.**

**Now, I'll join Gir in doing the monkey dance.)**

**(Your reviews make me so happy. And to answer some of my reviewers, I will be adding more of the Gir factor; has to be done. Let me just say that there will be some visits from the tallest and a lot of awkwardness. Plenty of jealousy…To much info? Probably. Is orange the only word without a rhyme? Why orange? Why? (Breaks down sobbing). To the cheesecake!)**

Cat's POV

It was 10:00 when I turned on the TV. I heard the invader Zim song and took a deep breath, preparing myself for the journey ahead.

Out of pure curiosity, I checked to see what today's episode was about. It said the Wettening. Very funny.

I reached Zim's lab in a mild state of confusion, (another of the PUT's affects). Zim was waiting there in his disguise and was looking at me curiously.

"Hurry human! We need to get to Skool before the human Dibworm." He pulled me along to the front door.

As we were walking to Skool I noticed black, storm, clouds in the distance. There was an unbrella man on the corner we were passing so I purchased one.

"What is that strange _thing_ human?" Zim asked as he noticed what I bought.

"An umbrella." I answered plainly.

"What is it for?" He asked.

"You'll see."

Just as he had promised, Dib was at Skool before us and Zim wailed at his defeat.

"Hi Sweetblood." Dib cheerfully greeted. "Zim." His mood changed completely.

"Dibworm." Zim took a defensive stance against him.

"Hi Dib." I greeted him back as a way to break the deafening silence that followed.

The bell rang so we started towards class.

"Hi Cat." The hooded guy from our class called to me.

"Hi." I called back.

"Hey Cat. It's short for Catherine right?" I recognized Keef from that one episode where Zim decides to get a best friend.

"Hi Keef." I said and continued to walk. As I moved forward I heard Keef say, "She knows my name!"

"Hi Cathumm hi!" Anther character I knew, Billy from the president episode.

"Hi Billy." I answered. He laughed and drooled at the same time. I took a few glances at Zim and Dib, they stared at Billy furiously. How strange.

Ms. Bitters started the day off with the pledge of allegiance, which is extremely different from our own.

I pledge allegiance to our government

Of the place on which we stand.

And to the leaders of the place,

One group, under the eye, indestructible,

With food and shelter for all. Except the bums.

Zim laughed at indestructible. I was lost and confused through the whole thing.

The day continued slowly. Except for the times when Dib asked a question even the teacher preferred not to answer or when Zim scoffed at the human species, nothing much really happened.

Lunch was rather odd. I got a plate of food that didn't look too bad and was at a complete loss when it came to choosing a table. Zim and Dib, on either side of me, seemed to sense my frustration.

"Come on Sweetblood. Let's go sit with Gaz." Dib stated to motion me towards yesterday's table.

"She is sitting with me!" Zim was more obvious about his motioning.

I didn't like where this was going so I took both of there hands and walked towards the table Gaz sat at.

"Hi Gaz." I greeted the third grade Goth.

"Hey." Her eyes never left the screen.

I sat down across from her and Zim and Dib took a seat on either side of me. "Muffin Sweetblood?" Dib offered. I thanked him and took the muffin.

"Broccoli Cat human?" Zim met Dib's offer.

"Ha! Girls don't even like broccoli!" Dib looked triumphant. I was about to say that I didn't mind broccoli when Zim interrupted.

"Perhaps this one does! Here." Zim handed me the green vegetable. "Eat it now!"

The day continued like this. One challenging the other and me being in the middle of it all. Eventually Skool was let out and without fail the rain started to pour. Zim stopped on the steps and looked petrified by the falling water. "What is this?" He asked me.

"It's rain." I answered while fumbling with the black umbrella.

"Rain?" He looked questionly at the sky. "This rain, is it poisonous?"

"Ha, ha, ha!" I laughed since I always laugh at this part. "No. No it's not." I looked out and saw the children play and splash and sing the WE LOVE RAIN song. "Come on." Zim and I stepped down the stairs under the umbrella.

Zim got curious and decided he wanted to inspect this rain. He stepped carefully out from under the rain protector.

"Aaaarghhhh!!" He lay in pain on the ground while steam hissed from his flesh.

"Zim!" I cried and ran to protect him from the falling drops.

"What's the matter Zim? Can't handle a little rain?" Dib's voice full of spite and mocking as he came near us.

"Yes I can! Zim loves the rain." Zim twitched in pain as he said this.

I straitened Zim's wig and pushed one of his contact lenses into place. He looked at me in an alarmed way then said, "That's normal." I answered with an, "I know."

Dib stared at us and narrowed his eyes. He then took off in the opposite direction. Water balloons.

Zim and I walked slowly to his base, a result of Zim's pain though he chose not to admit it. We rounded the corner and met up with Dib. He held a water balloon and had an evil look on his face.

"Cat! Step aside!" I was about to argue but backed away from the spinning water balloon he had launched.

Water splashed everywhere and Zim was screaming in pain.

"Dib!" I turned to face Dib and gave him an angry glare; I stopped when I realized that Dib was just being Dib. If Zim had been given the chance to cause Dib pain he would. "Never mind." I sighed and helped Zim up.

Zim and I arrived at the base. Zim was muttering something about Dib being one of the most annoying humans he's ever met and how he would make sure his head would explode, on the way to the lab. In this episode, night passes by as Dib and Zim work on their water weapons so I decided to get a snack and raincoat.

I traveled back home, ate some chips. When the announcer guy proclaimed that Zim was back I took my chance and traveled back.

"Ah, Cat human, you're here. Well, I'm afraid that you will have to go to Skool without Zim. I have a plan that needs completion." Zim closed his eyes and cackled evilly.

"I know." I answered.

"You know? How would you know?" His one eye bigger than the other look came back on.

"Know what?" I asked. Just a small attempt to confuse Zim even further.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"What do I mean about how I go to Skool without you? Or how I knew about your plan?" I asked.

"How do you know about my plan?!!"

"You have a plan?"

"No!"

"But you said…"

"You heard nothing! Now go to Skool!" And with that he pushed me into the elevator and I was sent to the upper level of the house.

"Oh, hi Gir." The little, metal, robot came to meet me.

Gir's POV

Ooh, there the Girl again! She's so pretty… Mabey she want a taco!

"Taco?" I asked her.

"No thanks Gir." She shook her head.

The radio started to play a song, so I danced. "Do a little dance." I told her.

"Not right now Gir." She answered.

"Do a little dance!" I yelled and I thinks my eyes turned red.

"Okay! Okay!" She started to dance. YAY!!!!!!

"Dance like a moose!" I said. "Now sing a little song…" She started singing.

"Do, de, do, de, doo…" She started to sing.

"We had a squid but he got eaten by a shark." I don't know why I said this I just did.

"A shark?" She asked.

"I know, it scares me too."

"I have to leave now Gir." The girl was walking towards the door.

"NO!" I ran to the door but she already closed it. I started to cry. "I lo-ved you girl! I lo-ved you!" I turned on the TV to watch the monkeys, but it just wasn't the same.

Cat's POV

I walked to school all dressed in a raincoat, rain boots, and umbrella. Today would be very interesting day, that's for sure.

I was squish squashing down the road when I saw the most ridiculous looking thing walking down the street.

"Dib!" I laughed when I said this.

He turned around, along with his neck back brace, balloon launching thing. The weight of the machine seemed to have an effect on Dib's energy. He looked very tired.

"Sweetblood! Boy are you lucky! You're the first to see my new invention. I made it to defeat Zim."

I was giggling lightly at the strange object. "I'm sure it will. Just make sure to not hurt anyone or get my hair wet." I really laughed now.

He tried to look angry but couldn't help smiling. "You doubt me." He raised an eyebrow. "We'll see who laughs last."

We started walking together. His macheine made gearing noises to accompany my squishing and squashing boots. "you'll see Dib for it will surely be me!" I said and mussed his hair playfully. He laughed and pushed my hand away.

We arrived at Skool and all eyes were on us; with good reason too, we must have been an odd looking couple.

"Why didn't Zim come with you?" Dib asked while looking for the alien.

"He said something about a plan." I answered.

"Zim." Dib said gravely.

Just then, on the edge of the dodge ball court was the exact person Dib was looking for. It was Zim, or, the hologram Zim. He was in a scared position and completely unmoving.

"HA, ha!" Dib looked at me quickly and then back at Zim. "Do you see that Cat? Just like an alien." Dib took a giant step towards the hologram. "What the matter Zim? Scared?" Come on! Are you going to just stand there? Say something!" He waited expectantly and received no feedback.

"Zim?" He asked again.

This was the time when I started to open my umbrella and put on my hood. I looked around for higher ground when Dib continued to question the hologram.

"That's it! You won't make a fool out of me Zim!" With that, Dib pulled a lever and launched a water ballon at Zim's head.

I stood on the highest hill I was able to find and watched with fasination. This was history in the making. I wondered if I would come out on the show. If so, would that change peoples memories? Would I become a trademark character of Nickelodeon? As the professor would say, (A/N: back to the future professor and I think professor Membrane) this could cause a major paradox! Oh well…

Almost on cue, a giant, orange blob of a thing came falling from the sky. It had black symbols painted on it that represented the Irken empire but from here it looked like a Jack o' lantern. Dib had seen it too. His face showed that things were not going according to plan.

Nearer and nearer the thing came and a giant shadow came over the entire Skool. Then BAM!!!

An explosive bouncing sound came first then the splash of water. A light mist sprayed my face and my umbrella was close to shreds, but at least I was dry. I laughed as the unfortunate wet people walked by. "Losers." I called to some. Sure I felt a bit big headed but who really cares?

I walked to Dib and took off my raincoat to reveal my black shirt and pants. I closed the destroyed umbrella as well.

"Hi Dib." I smiled and took a corner of his trench coat to wring it; more mockingly then helpfully but still. He frowned and snatched the coat from me. Gaz sat on the floor with her game and spit a fish out of her mouth.

I was surpressing laughter at the situation when Zim came marching up to us with a look of gloating on his face.

"HAHAHAH!!!" Zim laughed maniacally when he was in front of Dib. "Filthy, inferior, earth worm. You are no match for the mighty Zim!!!!" Dib didn't look up.

From there, Zim marched up to his base which was completely gone except for the toilet. He then started to climb into the secret entrance when his head got stuck in the porcilen bowl. I heard his pleas to Gir for help. I looked back at Dib.

"Aww… Dib, it's all right! There's always next time. Plus, what's one miserable failure compared to the other worse things that could have happened?" I put my hand on his shoulder and he gave a soft smile.

"You're right Sweetblood." He stood and his cape blew dramatically in the wind like a superheroes cape. "This won't be the last of me! Dib!"

"Shut up Dib!" Gaz yelled over her shoulder. He ignored her.

"And I'll make sure Zim doesn't take over the world if it's the last thing I do!" Dib was having a Dib moment so I stayed silent.

"Hey! Hey! HEY! Get me out of here! Hey! Hey! Will someone help the mighty ZIM? Hey! Come over here! You'll all be sorry when the armada comes that you didn't help Zim!" Apparently Gir hadn't helped Zim.

"I'll umm… Be right back Dib." I stood and walked to the toilet.

"Where are you going?" Dib had been making his next plans on defeating Zim aloud for me to hear.

"Zim's head is stuck. He's been asking for help a while now." I walked away.

"Sure! Go help the alien!" Dib enunciated the last word and shouted it unnecessarily loud.

"Lies! You lie! Zim is normal!" Zim's voice came out hollowed and ecohy from inside the pipes.

"Don't worry Zim I'll get you out! Somehow…" I called down the drain.

"Yes…Help Zim. Do you see that Dib? She is helping me! ZIIIIM!!!" Zim's maniacal laughter came then.

After about an hour of looking for something to break the toilet with and another hour of trying to crack open the thing, I got Zim out.

"Thank you human, that was very helpful. Although I feel that the ax being flung at Zim's head might have been somewhat unnecessesary.

"Had to be done." I shrugged.

"Yes, well, thank you. Now be gone with you!" He turned on his heels and faced his destroyed base. "I'll have to make some repairs." He inspected a soggy piece of wood. "Yes, many."

**( A/N: This chapter wasn't so important to the story but I needed to add something so I thought about this while watching the Wettening. I am very sorry that it takes me forever to write a tiny bit, But my computer time is limited. I also have severe cases of writers block. I might possibly write more later today, I might not. It all depends on whether I come back in time. Also, I wasted time yesterday and wrote a new IZ story called Midgets of the Small world, check it out. Sweetblood the vamp.) **


	5. Watermelon Under the Stars

-1 **(Disclaimer: Forget the poems!)**

**(A/N: CONGRADULATIONS!! You have made it to the fourth chapter, so you have won a case of ADHESIVE MEDICAL STRIPS.)**

Cat's POV

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, democracy simply doesn't work." The news caster on the Simpson s announced in a commercial. I laughed and turned to Gir who was laughing twice as loud and twice as contagiously. I had thought that the TV s in this world only received stupid television but they actually get good shows here. Go figure.

"You're here again? When are you going to leave human?" Zim came out in his disguise with his arms crossed.

"First off, you invited me here." I said and stuffed my mouth full of popcorn. "Second of all, I'll leave once the show is over." I shoved more popcorn into my mouth. I was starting to remind my self of Dib since he is always eating and talking. In this world, table manners didn't really count for much so I decided to go with the flow. With all that said I sunk back into the couch and loafed.

"Well?" Zim raised an eye and waved his hand as if he wanted me to continue. "And?"

"Well what?" I tilted my head in confusion.

"Usually when someone starts to number reasons they at least have three." He crossed his arms. I shrugged. He scowled and turned to go back down to his lab.

Three weeks have passed since I first discovered that I can go into a Zimiverse. During the three weeks, I had begun to learn the rules and proprieties of this cartoon world. Also, I began to learn the likes and dislikes of all the characters. For example, Zim really likes to improve things, and by things I mean pretty much anything. In fact, I brought a laptop to the base once and Zim got his hands on it; within two hours the computer could tap into any database in the fake world, which I'm sure was his intention. I learned that he really hates bacon and monkeys also he can't stand not knowing a secret. Dib also has his likes and dislikes. Examples; he hates hedgehogs, pork and chickens. He likes slushies. A lot. As for obsessions, well, anything out of the ordinary.

After the show was over, I got to thinking of Dib and was curious to see what he was working on now.

"Gir?" I looked to my side and Gir stopped making his piggy dance.

"Yees?" He asked in that freaky mechanical voice.

"Do you want to come with me to Dib's house? I made my eyes wide in a hopeful way.

"DIB IS THE ENEMY! Ok!" He walked to the door and sucked his thumb.

"Great." I grabbed my backpack and closed the door behind me.

We arrived at Dib's house and I felt a bit jumpy around the electric fence that surrounded the lawn.

"HA HA, LOOK AT ME! I'M ALL SHINY LIKE! Wheeeeee!" Gir was conducting the electricity through his body. I laughed, and then the front door opened.

"Hi Cat." It was Gaz.

"Hey Gaz!" I waved at her.

"I have the new My chemical Romance CD. Want to come hear it with me?" She stepped aside.

"Sure! My favorite song is Welcome to the Black Parade." I stepped in and let her lead me to her room.

"Mine too. I also like that Mama one." she deactivated her stuffed animal security.

We listened to the CD three times and were singing and air guitaring by the time we reached Mama.

Dib POV

I was sucking on a slushie when I came home. Gaz was playing her new CD even louder than usual so I knocked on her door to tell her to turn it down. The volume was too high for her to hear me so I opened the door.

I stepped back when I was that Gaz had a friend over which just happened to be Sweetblood. I pushed my glasses into place as I watched Cat and Gaz singing loudly and air guitaring to this demonic sounding music.

_You should have raised a baby girl I could have been a better son! If you can coddle the infection they can amputate at once! _

Gaz was now jumping on the bed and Cat was shaking her head wildly.

_Mama! We all go to Hell!_

I watched a bit longer, still baffled by the behavior shown by both my sister and the excitement shown by Cat.

_So raise your guns high for tomorrow we die! And return from the ashes that fall…_

The lyrics reminded me of the fate of the world if it weren't for me. This thought brought me back to reality.

Gaz stopped air guitaring and switched off the stereo.

"Dib! What are you doing in my room?" She glared.

"I came in to tell you to turn it down." I looked to Sweetblood. "Hi Sweetblood." She fixed her hair awkwardly and said hi back.

"Well," I stepped back. "You may resume your…satanic ritual." Sure enough, once the door was closed the piercing guitar solo blared.

Cat's POV

After listening to the CD another two times I told Gaz that I would now go hang with Dib. I asked her where he could be and she said to try the roof.

The cool night air was chilling but comforting as I walked up to the roof. Dib had on some satellite earmuffs and was holding a small dish. He was completely unaware of my presence and was looking to the skies in a frustrated way. I crept up to him and pounced, causing him to jump and fall backward.

I laughed and held my ribs as he seemed to seethe with anger that turned to laughter.

"Don't do that!" He pushed me and I continued to laugh.

He sat down again and I took a seat next to him.

"Dib, you already have an alien here. Why are you trying to contact another one?" I looked to his satellite equipment.

"I'm not looking for aliens. I'm looking for the CatDog." He neglected his earmuffs and put the machine on speaker.

"This CatDog is in the sky?" I raised an eyebrow.

"It didn't make much sense on mysterious mysteries either." He rested on his arms and looked to the sky again.

I wrapped my arms around my legs and smiled.

"Want some watermelon?" Dib asked and held a plate of slices to me

"Thanks. All that dancing made me hungry." I took one.

"You two looked funny in there." Dib commented and laughed. I gave him a small shove.

"So how does all this equipment work? Have you actually heard any odd frequencies?" I ran my hand over the machine.

"I've heard some things but they always just turn out to be a balloon with escaping air." He picked up the earmuffs, "Now as for how they work. Just put on the frequency receivers." He set them on my head and over my ears. "And hold this up." He gave me the satellite dish. "Then hope for the best."

I sat still, afraid of breaking something. Dib put his hand on mine and rotated the dish in different directions. "You have to send signals in different directions." He continued to guide my hand and hardly breathed next to me. We both stayed silent.

"Perhaps the directional movement device would be useful." He used his other hand to hold a speaker near my left shoulder while he held the dish on my left hand. His face was near the right side of mine. I rested my head on his shoulder. He gulped.

Zim's POV

I was testing my Blastermonstrate and discovered that the explosion was five times more powerful than before. The advice the Cat human had given worked! After a few more tries I decided to let the Cat human know that she had done a good job.

I came to the living room and discovered both the couch and the kitchen Catless, which was strange, very strange.

"Gir! Where is the Cat human?" I asked that incompetent minion of mine.

"Oh! She's at Dib's house. I went with her but came back to watch the monkey." He turned back to watch his television program.

"That monkey." I glared at the monkey. Why does he have his own show anyhow? All he does is scratch his head.

"Why is the Cat at that Dib's house?" I walked to the door. There was no telling what the Dibworm would say to her. She might find out that I'm not human! No, no, I must not let that happen. Also, she happens to be very useful compared to all of the other humans which are just complete morons!

I reached the Dibmonkey's house and was about to knock on the door when I heard voices on the roof. It was soft so I couldn't understand the words but I did recognize the laugh made by Cat. It was a very light laugh and barely audible but amplified by the silent night. I scaled the wall with my defensive legs to find the source.

Cat's POV

Dib and I were laughing at ourselves when we discovered a CatDog we thought we saw turned out to just be a Weiner dog.

At the same moment when Dib moved closer to me, a light metallic sound came from behind us. We both turned and saw Zim retract his spider legs and fall on the roof gently.

"Dib! What have you been telling her?" He glared at Dib.

"Me? What are you doing here?" Dib stood and pointed at Zim.

"I asked you first!" Zim didn't really wait for a reply though; he just stood out his Blastermonstrate and began shooting at Dib. Dib rolled out of the way in the nick of time and started to dodge Zim's shots.

"Zim!" I yelled and covered my ears as another shot flew. "Stop!" I yelled pathetically as the explosions drowned out my pleas.

"Oh, yes Cat! Your advice worked. The canon is working better than ever. Of course the amazing Zim had to modify it for it to work. Zim pulled the trigger again and I heard Zim yell in agony.

I thought fast. Zim had to be distracted if Dib would escape alive. Plus, if you give a monkey a gun and the monkey shoots someone, you don't blame the monkey!

"Zim!" I yelled. "I have a secret! And it's the most secretive secret ever!"

Zim had Dib by the neck with his spider legs and was already charging the blaster when he stopped and looked to me.

"A secret?" Zim asked. "Tell me! Tell me now!"

"You'll have to catch me first!" I ran through Dib's house and out the front door. I heard Zim say, "Oh she's getting away! I'll let you die another day Dib!"

He was soon close behind so I ran into the house and jumped on the couch, laughing. Zim walked in and pointed an accusing finger. "Everything the Dib says is a lie. Dib lies! His lies know no boundaries!"

I laughed again. Zim's speech pattern and tone always amuses me.

"Do not laugh at Zim! Now, tell Zim of the secret." He waited anxiously.

"The secret?" I hadn't had time to think of one. "The secret is that…" I thought some more. "That bee's guts come out after they sting someone." I shrugged and awaited his reaction.

He blinked twice and narrowed his eyes and yelled, "That's fascinating! And it will help me against the bees!" He ran to his lab.

"Whew!" I sunk into the couch and relaxed. Just then the telephone rang. I heard Zim call for someone to get it.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hello? Who is this?" Asked the voice.

"This is Cat." I replied.

"Good! Cat! It's Dib." His voice got more confident.

"Dib? How did you get Zim's number…? Never mind that, how are you? Are you in pain?" I sat up.

"I'm fine. Actually I was calling to make sure that you were alright. I mean, Zim did have a blaster canon." He became silent.

"I'm all right." I answered. "Thank you."

He sighed and asked quickly, "Sweetblood, why are you always at his house? You know he's an alien. Why risk it? The Swollen E can live with out one alien for now." He sounded concerned.

"Trust me." I said. "I have a really good reason."

He sighed again.

"CAT HUMAN! IS THE DIB ON THE PHONE? CUT THE TRANSMISSION NOW!" I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Good bye Mothman." I whispered into the receiver.

"Good bye Sweetblood."

**(A/n: Finally I have written more! Don't worry, I will shave my head, sew my lips together, dip myself in boiling hot oil and wear a floppy hat for making you wait his long. And, just to keep you in suspense a bit, Cat will speak to the tallest in the next chapter and Zim, hehe, is not happy about it. Irk! Here we come! )**

**Pst! You! Come here! **

**You: Me?**

**Yeah, you.**

**You: What do you want?**

**I want you to review. Or else…**

**You: Or else what…?**

**What?**

**You: Or else what?**

**Are you threatening me?**

**You: No! You just said or else.**

**You're not making any sense at all…. **


	6. We Could Get Abducted!

-1**(A/N: Heeelloo readers! Life update: I just got the Invader Zim DVDs. The complete invasion! sighs Okay, I am really hating my story right now and am kind of depressed so forgive me if you hate it and I'll cry myself to sleep… Hey look! A banana! Please review, because I don't write more unless I get some sort of review. **

**Oh, just one more thing. I…Don't..Really know how this story is going to end. In fact, I'm not sure if Cat is going to choose Zim or Dib. Right now, it seems like she is for Dib but this chapter might be for Zim. So, please review and tell me who you think she should choose. It would really help.**)

It was a beautiful, sunny, spring day, the birds were singing, the wind rustled the trees and a woman was watering her lawn. I scowled at all of the nature stuff and flipped to another channel. This was a movie about two twins that exchanged lives for a day; I scowled again and changed it.

Today had to be one of the most boring days in the history of boring days. I would have to wait another three hours for Invader Zim to start. But then, I thought of something. I now had the Zim DVDs. Could this still work? I started one of the second season DVDs and chose any random episode. The PUT started to work, so I smiled happily at my new found success and entered. After the whole swirly thing, I landed on the lab floor. I dusted myself off and started to walk to one of the elevators. What stopped me was a very familiar voice.

"So, you're saying the humans are tall yet dumb. How is that even possible? How can anything tall be dumb?" That was the voice of Red, one of the tallest. My mouth dropped open. I had been coming here a while and I still haven't heard from the leaders of the Irken empire.

"Yeah! Huh? Huh?" That was Purple's voice. Some chewing sounds followed "Hah! Can you imagine? Huh?" I laughed. This was one of my favorite conversations between Zim and the Tallest.

"I assure you, it's really- Doorbell? Hold on. Gir!" That was Zim's voice. I had watched this episode a few time so I knew that there was two, strange, and very stupid aliens at the door of Zim's base right now. They would kidnap Zim and take him to their ship where he would be fused with a gopher. I couldn't miss this so I was awaiting a moment in which I could run to one of the pods upstairs unnoticed.

"So, how tall are they?" Purple asked.

"Almost as tall as you my tallest." Zim answered.

"And they're dumb?" Asked Red.

"Like the dull-witted Gushkweegasplorch!" Zim answered dramatically.

After all this, Zim left for upstairs and was probably taken hostage by the aliens. If I was correct, the transmission on the computer monitor was blocked so I wouldn't be seen by the Tallest.

I ran as fast as I could to one of the elevator things, but was stopped by Red's voice.

"Wait a minute! Who are you?" I turned to face the screen and saw two, large, red, eyes that were studying me. Behind him was a pair of confused looking, purple, eyes.

"I'm…Cat." I walked closer to the computer.

"Why are you in Zim's base? Aren't you a human?" Red somehow got a slushie of some sort and began to drink.

"Yeah… I'm one of his experiments! I have a probe, in my brain." I explained vaguely.

"What kind of probe?" Purple asked. He took a bite from his donut.

"The kind that… makes me…talk?" I shrugged. Luckily the Tallest are very gullible so they accepted my explanation without question.

"Well, since you're human, maybe you can settle this matter of whether or not humans are tall yet dumb. Is this possible?" Red made one of his eyes bigger than the other.

"Yeah! Huh? Huh? bites Huh?" Purple continued to question.

"Only in some cases. Then, there's heels." I shrugged again.

"What are heels?" Red asked.

"They're what human females wear in order to look taller." I said and then added as an afterthought. "And some males."

"Well, why wouldn't they want to be taller? It's great!" Purple waved his arms as if to show his tallness.

"Hey, what kind of donut is that? Is that jelly filled?" I asked out of pure curiosity.

"Yes. Yes it is. How did you know?" Red asked in astonishment.

"I've always been able to tell if a donut is jelly-filled just by looking at it." I answered truthfully. "It's a gift."

Both of the tallest dropped their donuts and drinks. All of the Irkens in the back round stopped what they were doing immediately and turned to face me. The machines that had been busily working now stopped abruptly. I heard a glass shatter and a pile of plates fall to the floor. Gasps were audible through out the entire ship.

"You can do that? How accurate is it? Red asked in almost a whisper.

Zim's POV

The couple that had come to my base were really aliens. I can't believe that Gir would betray ME, his MASTER! But getting angry would solve nothing. The morons thought that I was a human. Imagine, ME! A PUTRID, DISGUSTING, INFERIOR HUUMAN! The thought is too horrible. Now I had to figure out how to get off of this ship. It seemed that the aliens in question were really just a couple of idiots. Really, stupid aliens.

Anyhow, these so called aliens, were of a different species entirely. They were tall and ugly and like I said before really, really, dumb. Dumb like a moose.

"Let's fuse him to this other human!" The alien with the nametag of Fred said as he held up a gopher rat.

"Okay!" The other one took a roll of tape and came near me. The pair worked to tape the gopher monster to my head.

"Can we fuse him to this box of juice next?" The alien named Mary asked.

"No! I'm tired of you always fusing things to my juice!" The couple continued to argue.

"Oh! But the juice! The juice!" The other alien said desperately.

I took this chance to run towards a vent. The gopher slowed me down but I somehow managed to get through the hole.

"Oh no! He's escaped. We shouldn't have fused him. It made him twice as powerful. Twice as deadly." I heard the two aliens continue their bickering.

I ran trough some doors and pulled the gopher off of my head. Somehow I didn't think that getting off this ship would be too hard. I walked through the passage and paused at an opening right above the room I had just escaped.

"I told you we should have fused him to the juice. It would have slowed him down." The female alien said angrily.

"How do you know that it wouldn't have made him faster?" the other one asked defensively.

"Will somebody please help me? Please? I'm over here!" A high pitched voice called. It sounded much like a child at first I ran towards the voice and found some sort of blobby thing inside of a glass container.

"They have fused me so many times. I'm so heavy." The blob thing started to explain. Its eyes were pleading and it looked depressed. "All of the others have been able to escape. But I just can't."

"How did the others escape?" I asked, annoyed that he was telling me his life story.

"Though that escape room there." It answered. "If only I had an arm or a leg. Or even someone to help me get there. Say, do you think that maybe you could-"

I took the blob things escape method and jumped through the door. I used my holographic communicator to call Gir.

Gir's POV

My master called me sooo, I jumped through the glass with my super ninja moves and walked to the door.

"Oh no! Now the other one is escaping! There he is. Wow! Look at him go!" Asked a funny looking thing. I pressed the button and a door opened. I like doors.

"I'm going to fuse these humans with the blob thing."

Zim's POV

After not much effort, I escaped and ran back to my base to continue my conversation with the Tallest I saw the Dib monkey get sucked up into the ship, which made me laugh. I took the transporter down to the lab and almost choked at what I saw next

The cat human was talking to my leaders! Oh what would they think of Zim now? I ran as fast as I could to intercept any more information the human might be leaking out.

Cat's POV

"Caramel! Raspberry! Fudge and cheese!" I named the flavors inside of the different donuts the Tallest put in front of me in order. They opened the pastries and revealed that I was right.

"Fascinating! Simply fascinating! These abilities, are they teachable?" Red asked as he looked at the row of donuts and took his time to choose one.

"I taught my small cousin to do it. I'm not sure if everybody has the ability." I was explaining when Zim came back and pushed me out of the way.

"My Tallest! Please forgive me. The human must have escaped from the different enviroment chamber." He laughed nervously. "Everything she said while I was gone was a lie." H turned to me and started to push me towards the portal.

"Wait. I thought that she was a probe experiment." Red asked confused.

"Probe?" Zim asked and looked to me. "No! She is no probe. Just an enviroment experiment. But she has to return and be experimented on and stuff."

"Wait! Don't take her yet Zim! This girl posseses powers beyond that of any Irken." Red said desperately.

Zim stopped pushing me and raised his antennae to hear better. "Powers?" He asked.

"Yes. Powers. She can tell what kind of filling a donut has just by looking at it! She's amazing! That is why, between my fellow Tallest and I, we have decided that you, Zim, will bring her to Irk and there she will teach us the way of the donut." Red ended dramatically but taking a deep bow towards me.

"But, my Tallest! She is just a human and I know you love donuts but isn't this just a little too much?" Zim pleaded desperately with the cold eyes of his leader.

"No Zim, we expect her here on Irk in 24 hours." Red remained serious.

"Yeah! 24 hours! Huh? Huh?" Purple was now eating a snak.

"Yes, my Tallest. Invader Zim signing off." Zim pressed a button and the screen went dark.

**(Hahahahaha!!!!!!!! Beware the power of the donut Zim! Beware the power of the donut. So many possibilities in the next chapter. What will happen you ask? I…really have no idea. But, rest assured that Cat will be going to Irk. And everything you knew will now be wrong. Green is tan, eyes are sunglasses and the tall bow down to short.**

**Pst! You with the face! Are you going to review?**

**You: Listen, I'm tired of you putting words in my mouth. If I review than I will okay?**

**Alright! I just wanted to say something…**

**You: Fumes All right, I must know. What is it?**

**I WAS THE TURKEY ALL ALONG!!!!!!!**

**You: So you were…. **


	7. I'll save you!

**(A/n: ITS OKAY! I'M ALL RIGHT! I think my spine has exploded, BUT I'M FINE! Listen everybody, I am sooooo sorry it took me to write this. I actually wrote this twice but the first time my computer crashed and my dad tried to fix it and erased ALL ot the memory and when I wrote it again the computer crashed AGAIN and same scenerio and my dad says to me, he SAYs TO ME! THE AMAZING SWEETBLOOD! That I should have saved it on a CD. And so I wrote it all over again and fanfiction wouldn't let me log on, it said something about "Cookies" and so for a long time I couldn't log on. then my dad wanted to reprogram the computer since it was slow without telling me and earase the story YET AGAIN! Then I was discouraged for a long time... But now I'm back! And here lies the fruit of my brainstrains. Hehe... brainstrains... I made that up!).**

Cat's POV

I looked at Zim in silence. He just stood there, staring at the screen, breathing slowly and clenching his fist. His antennae were lowered and he emmited a low, silent, growl and it soon turned into a full out roar!

"Just what were you thinking Cat human! Irk, you humans are soo stupid!" He started to pull at his antennae in anger.

"But they told me to!" I argued weakly.

"Oh, now what will the Tallest think of me? Zim is ruined!" He bowed his head as I stood silent. "And its all because of you!" He lunged at me.

I screamed and ducked to prevent his attack from getting me. This was one angry Zim and an angry Zim is funny on TV but when he's trying to shoot at you with an alien weapon, you run!

I ran and ran and stumbled slightly as I made my way to the transporter but I felt a cold mechanical arm around my ankle. I was then yanked upside down in against the wall.

"All of this is your fault!" Zim yelled and pointed the bazooka type thing at me. It lit up and I held my hand to my face to cover the glare.

"It can't be that bad. Don't you want to see Irk?" I was trying to bargain with Zim. Hopefully that would distract him enough to lower his weapon of death.

"I do, but not while babysitting a _putrid_ human." He grit his teeth. "Arrrgh! But I can't even kill you! Oh, you make me soo mad!" He let me fall to the floor. It hurt.

"Go prepare. We leave in twenty earth minutes." He stalked off.

I rubbed my head and thought about what had just happened. Irk. I was going to see Zim's home planet. How exciting! I wondered if the Irkens were at all similar to humans. On Irk, I would be the alien... And then it occured to me. I smiled and marveled at how brilliant I was.

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Dib's POV

I thought about Sweetblood. She was all I really could think about for weeks now. Their was just somthing about her. Something, mysterious... It..confused me. All I knew was that her being so close to Zim made me very nervous. She is a new agent and newbies tend to take unnecessary risks. Obvioiusly she was a brilliant actor; she really did play the part of a lovesick girl towards Zim really well. Sometimes I think too well. I decided to pay her a visit, which meant going to Zim's house. Grrr... Zim...

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Cat's POV

I had gone home to pack for the trip. All of my luggage was stored in a invention my father had made a while back. It was called the Luggage and Stuff Compartment Shrinker. It basically was a suitcase with a unlimited amount of space. All of the moving companies hated my dad.

Along with my luggage I had also stored the key components to my plan. I brought along some green make-up, bunny ears, red oval sunglasses, black gloves and boots. This was going to be good.

I arrived at Zim's lab with luggage in pocket. He was firing up the space ship and Gir was running around, yelling and screaming about a cookie or something.

"Hurry UP! We only have twenty four hours to get there! That means I'll have to take a wormhole. I hate wormholes! They make you all long... and skinny..." He opened the door with a whoosh.

I climbed in and was greeted by Gir thowing a bisquit at my head. The seat meant for me was covered in peanuts so I brushed them off and sat while Zim gave me a glare.

In less than three seconds the ship backed up and broke through the roof. We were soaring through the stars at break neck speed. I oohed and awed at every planet we passed and flinched at every stray rock that almost hit us. The suns we passed were nothing but speed lines in the little window I was looking out through. My shoulders were tense with the rush I was getting from almost dying every time we scathed a meteorite. This was really fun.

But, eventually the joy of flying through space was exhausted and I was soon bored. Gir had a suger crash and was asleep. I wanted to talk to Zim but was unsure as to how to start conversation. The silence was just too unbearable!

" Zim? What is Irk like?" I took the passenger seat next to him.

"Why should I tell you human?!" He bared his teeth and didn't look at me.

"So that I don't make a social mistake and embarrass you further?" I asked, knowing that his reputation was more important than life itself to him.

He thought about it and was resentful to talk; but he did.

"Irk has a much more military like atmosphere, not anything like your mushy, lovey dovey, idiotic military over there. And the people of Irk are much more intelligent and sharp than even the smartest of stupid humans." He started to cheer up in the description of his people.

"Are there any customs I should know about?" I asked.

"Oh the richness of my planet's culture is too much to recount! But I will. We have traditions for everything. But the most important is the respect we give to the Tallest. That is told to every young Irken from the time they are old enough to talk. Also, to become of the ELITE invaders is one the GREATEST honors to be bestowed upon any Irken." He puffed his chest at this. " And also, you shouldn't make a fool of yourself in front of my leaders. In fact, don't talk at all."

He then went on to explain how his people had made advances in technology that supposedly us humans could only dream of. I was to not talk familiarly with any invader and I must not talk with the submissive Irkens for that would make Zim look bad. I was also not to go anywhere marked with a weird alien symbol that resembled a toilet because that meant I would set off a radioactive bomb that would stop work everywhere in its tracks! I should stay away from anybody with a gun (like I would go near them) or brochure and that pie was not exactly what it is on Earth.

"Wow. Irk sounds real exciting." I said and and faced the windsheild to process all of that information and hopefully save it.

"It is. In fact, I believe that you will want to spend the rest of your human years there... BUT YOU CAN'T!" He pointed at me and made some sort of weird one eye bigger than the other look and then went back to steering position.

We continued to talk, Zim slowly opening up enough to make almost pleasant conversation (which I know is totally not like Zim but is eaisier to believe on a reeeeeeeeaaaallly loooooonngg flight).

"But, you know human, its not really that I despise your species... Well yes, I do but aside from that its the fact that this will put me one step closer to the Tallest favor." He said in our discussion of his want to destroy my home planet.

I felt bad about this. The poor guy didn't know that the Tallest had actually banished him. But, would telling him really help anything? Better to just let him continue. He had to get tired at some point.

"Why don't you start your own planet civilization?" I said to continue conversation. "With your technology and brilliant plans, you could take any vacant planat, enslave a few outcast, start a war, take over Irk and RULE WITH AN IRON FIST!" I fell laughing at the very thought. Zim? Go against his precious Tallest? The very idea!

"Me? Rule?" Zim stared at me in disbelief but I saw in a twinkle in his eye that seemed totally alien to his usual expressions. "I would..." He stared straight ahead and then looked back at me. He shook his head and tried to knock some sense into himself. "No! That would make me a traitor!" He glared and then smiled. "But, were I to rule an empire of my own... My first order of business would be to make everyday a CASUAL DAY!"

We then started brainstorming on what would go into "Zim's Empire". And in the end we both fell to the floor laughing as the ideas started getting crazier and crazier. Like kids we started to go into detail about the color of the food that would be eaten and how everyone should start with the left shoe so that we would have complete control. Zim was nice enough to make me his vice Tallest in charge of all boring affairs so that Zim wouldn't have to deal with them. I was reminded of the Peter Pan story and Neverland (not the Jackson one) and how everything was suited for fun and not practicallity.

"And we could have giant mutated bunnies that fly and have big teeth to take us everywhere and eat anyone who isn't going fast enough!" I added.

"And mutant blowfish that expand to sizes so great they block out the sun! That way, I can control all power supply!" Zim said with a yell.

"And all doors must be painted red for good luck!" I said since I rather enjoyed old superstitions.

"And then we put a red door tax!" The business man in Zim said.

"Meetings where every civilian must sing a song from the Grease soundtrack and do the chicken dance at the same time in your honor!" I said, getting a visual.

"And build statues of ME and paint them and decorate them with TINSEL!" He added.

"Do you think the Tallest will like me Zim?" I asked after a few more plans. "What if I anger them and they order my head to be chopped off?!" I held my head.

"Silly human. We Irkens do not chop off heads... We blast people from canons or suffocate them in space!" He shook his head in an amused way. He moved closer and continued. "As for making a fool of yourself, I will teach you how to act properly." He took my hand and walked me to a more spacy part of the ship. 

"Act as thought you would with one of your own leaders. Like the people with there ancient Queen."

I thought and figured that he meant the Queen of England. "So I should curtsey?" I asked.

He nodded.

I tried and wobbled off balence. I gasped and was caught in Zim's arms. We both looked at each other in silence; I blushed and I could swear his cheeks turned a dark blue. (A/n: This is SO Manga. Don't you think? Its also cliche'd. Yay cliche's!)

After a few more pathetic attempts at pretending to be graceful, I gave up and stalked off.

Zim chuckled. "Cat Human... You amuse Zim with your comical antics." He came over slowly and gave my head a hug as though Gir would to his piggybear...thing. I gulped.

I guess Zim figured that he was hugging a human so he let go quickly.

"I- I'm sure you'll do fine human. I will do all I can to prevent you from getting blasted from a canon. Maybe I can show you the sights Irk has to offer." He said and I smiled.

"What sights are there?" I asked.

"Well... There's the Peak of Mt. Tsereve, known for its outstanding view..." He moved to a window and looked out at the vacuum of space.

I came to his side and took hold of his hand. "Go on."

"I'm sure you would enjoy... the shopping metropolis. It holds exotic baubles that you might find pleasing." He halfsmiled and continued to look out. He didn't move an inch. I rested my head on his shoulder and looked out to space with him and he tightened his hold on my hand.

IRK IN QUADRANT. PREPARE FOR LANDING. The ship warned and we both took hold of each other as the ship jolted and fell.

I screamed in fear and tumbled as the ships made halted movements and suddent burst of speed. Zim tried to take hold the controls without luck. Finally, we crashed onto hard ground and Zim, Gir and I were thrown back with a jolt.

As the door opened with a whoosh, I was revealed the mysterious world of Irk.

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Dib's POV

I walked over to Zim's house and immediatly noticed something different. The gnomes didn't turn to face me and stare creepily like they usually do when I walk to the door. They just stood there, all creepy like.

I peered through the window and the house seemed surprisingly quite. Usually Zim's creepy robot is blasting music and recently Cat would also be dancing right along that robot to the beat. The silence was deafening.

I twisted the knob and widened my eyes since the knob opened without resistance. I stepped though and expected some form of laser canon to shoot at me but none came.

"Sweetblood?" I asked quietly. No answer. "Zim!" I asked angrily. I knew it. All three of them must be down in the basment. Who knows what sorts of evil experiments Zim was trying on my poor Cat. I could just imagine her, tied down on a surgical table, yelling for help. And Zim, leering over her with awful looking instruments and laughing manaically. Oh no! And I'm up here while she suffers for her planet. I have to help her!

After a few tries I figured out how to get to the lab. As I entered I saw all of the old projects Zim just left abandoned. The huge moniter that Zim used to talk to his leaders was left on. I walked up to it and studied the keypad.

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. A voice rang through out the room.

"What was that?" I said aloud. I really have to stop the selftalking.

BIM IS AWAY AND I HAVE TO GUARD... OR SOMETHING.

"Umm... His name is Zim."

WHATEVER...

I looked to the moniter again and looked at the ceiling. "Could l just use the computer real quick?"

UUUMMMMM...NO...

"Please?"

SIGH FINE... IF YOU'LL JUST STOP TALKING. YOUR VOICE IS MAKING ME SICK.

"Great!" I was hoping that the computer might give me information on where Zim might have taken Cat.

I pressed a bunch of buttons at random until a video from earlier started to play. It was Zim's leaders; I could hear Zim's voice in the backround. They were telling Zim to bring Cat to Irk in less than 24 hours. I couldn't believe it. Cat? Go to Irk? Now I HAD to find her.

I searched around Zim's ship garage and chose the first that would open. After many attempts I opened the base roof and was shot into the atmosphere.

Sweetblood, I will find you.

"


	8. On this planet, we're the aliens

**(A/N: I'm here! Wow, I updated real quick, did I not? Yes, you know that this impresses you. I'm just glad that I can finally write some new thoughts and make my brain tingle! To everyone who reads, PLEASE REVIEW! I like to get reviews. They motivate me to continue writing and they make me all happy and all day I recite the reviews I got to random people on the street. They give me a WTF look but its worth it. I'm sure you all know the feeling. By the by, I watched Hairspray yesterday. It was awesome. My friend and I actually danced in the aisles, just like the commercials demanded. I am a happy vampire. :)...)**

Cats POV

This new world was AMAZING! Like nothing my eyes have ever beheld before. I took a tentative step towards everything I saw. Swarms of Irkens marched everywhere. Building that towered over me like monsters. Hovercrafts of some sort followed in orderly fashion, one after the other at a certain pace. Loudspeakers I couldn't see shouted for everyone to hear of recent changes of schedule or a new law to be obeyed. Posters covered entire walls with advertisements for young Irkens to join the elite invaders and be honored amoung their peers. Holographic words skidded across the red sky now turning deep blue. Really tall Irkens with helmets that concealed their eyes carried menecing looking guns and stopped every so often to speak to a civilian. Everything was pristine clean and nothing was out of place. Everywhere I looked someone had something important to do or somewhere to go.

"Come Cathuman! We must move." Zim took my hand and pulled me along. Gir had wrapped himself around my head and was marveling at everything around him.

"Look at that!" Gir pointed. His arm around my eyes.

"That's nice Gir."

"Oooh! Look over there!" He pointed in another direction.

"Truly amazing."

"Look a monkey!"

"A monkey?"

"I want me some TACOS!"

sigh

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Zim's POV

Emotion. My head swims with it! I don't understand... This female makes me feel... good. Its been progressing for weeks now. The mere sight of her makes me want to conquer an entire galaxy just to give it to her and see her smile, her eyes shine, have her speak Zim's name.

GRRRR!!!! I HATE THIS! Invaders need no one! No one! This is wrong. So very wrong... If the Tallest found out?

NO! These "feelings" I have are abnormal. Perhaps, all I have is affection for the human. Yes. Much like what I feel for Gir; mere toleration.

Of course. None of this is real. She is human and I am an Irken. Any feeling other than one of future conquerer and future slave wouldn't be proper.

HA! The Cat human? A slave? Now wouldn't that be something? Yes... She would be much to clever... I'd have to keep an eye on her. A close eye... I'd also have to keep her far away from the Dibmonkey. Far, far away. So far that she might forget any feelings she might have falsely developed for the Dibworm. Instead, she would serve ME! She would sit beside my very tall throne and say how much she HATES the DIBJERK and LOVES ZIM!

"Zim? What is that over there?" The Cathuman pointed to a garbage container.

"A trashcan." I answered.

"And those really tall guys with the guns, they don't shoot often do they?" She looked to one of the city guards and wrapped her arm around mine a bit tighter. She smelled reeeally nice.

"Not anymore. Now they have to provide reasons for killing someone." I walked faster to disguise the fact that my voice was getting shaky.

I am forgetting one of the most important rules taught to every invader. Invaders need no one. I shouldn't forget that.

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Gir's POV

TACO.

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Dib's POV

God, it felt good to be back in a spaceship. The POWER of being in control and rushing through the stars without missing a beat. I heard my own breath through the microphone that amplified all sounds and transmissions. The forgotten blinking of the buttons on the wheel and moniter. That minute sense of pressure on my face as I pushed the ship to go harder and faster. I missed this. This and the feeling of being needed. Always it was me to the rescue wasn't it? Only this time, instead of a world to save, I had a damsel in distress. It felt kinda nice to be her knight in shining white armor (or black armor I guess). Yeah...First, I would defeat an entire army, singlehandedly. Then I would go down to the dungeon. I'd unlock the door and she'd come up running to me... we'd kiss...

If that Zim thinks he is just going to hand Cat over to his leaders on a silver platter (literally) then he couldn't be more wrong.

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Cat's POV

As we moved through out the crowd, I could feel the small glances everyone would throw my way. I couldn't blame them. They've probably never seen a human before. These curious eyes only made me smile at the thought of my plans. The sooner I put it into effect the better.

Zim led me to a building so big it hovered above the ground. It kinda looked like the massive only much bigger. It was guarded by more of the tall, armed aliens. Irkens were coming in and out like bees in a hive. The whole scene made me anxious. What if I said something wrong? Geez! This really reminded me of what a potential date would feel like just before meeting their dates parents. No, but the Tallest actually wanted me here. Things will be fine.

We entered the building. A cool gust of air from the electronic doors greeted my face, stinging my eyes. A monotone voice droned from above and Zim quickened his pace.

"Zim! Slow down!" I stumbled. "I can hardly keep up."

"The Tallest! They're Waiting! I AM COMING MY TALLEST!" Zim seemed a mad man.

After about ten minutes of a mazelike race throught out the place we finally reached TWO REALLY BIG DOORS! (A/N: Why did I capitilize really big doors? Thats weird...)

"Here we are!" Zim almost flew towards the rooms. I wasn't as excited.

"Wait." I stopped dead on my feet.

"What are you waiting for human? Hurry!" He tugged at my arm.

"What if I can't teach them the way of the donut? I- I can't do this." I backed away. Suddenly, it all sank in. I'm on an alien planet. I am the only human here. I COULD DIE!

I turned to run but was caught by the same mechanical legs again. I struggled for freedom but was eventually pulled into the room.

The room was dark. A whirring sound could be heard in the distance. As we walked in a voice rang through out the silence.

"But my Tallest! Give me another chance!"

"You've been given enough chances." Another voice.

"I can change!" The previous voice was desperate.

Zim cleared his voice loudly as we entered a second larger room. "My Tallest, I have arrived."

I then saw them. The TALLEST! They were...very... VERY... TALL! My God, I knew they had to be Tall to be called the Tallest but this was insane! They had to be at least thirteen ft tall! And then they were on those floaty things so that the mere sight of them was intimidating. I couldn't stand it. They were just so BIG! I forgot to curtsey so I did the next best thing.

"Cathuman! Get up!" Zim took my arm and pulled me up. I had bowed like any person would before an all powerful being. I looked up at their eyes and fell to my knees again.

"Damn it Zim! Why didn't you call like 5 minutes before? Darn it, we had this big ol' entrance and everything!" Tallest Red spoke and was pulling at his anttenae.

"Yeah! We had lasers and confetti and a big banner with glittery words. You ruined everything!" Purple started to tear down a banner. They both seemed very dissapointed.

"What do you mean my Tallest?" Zim looked sorry and confused.

"For Cat. This is her first time on Irk and we just wanted to impress her. But thats pretty much messed up." Red pulled the plug of a fog macheine.

I smiled. They were excited for my arrival. How cute! I didn't want to make them sad though.

"Umm... Tallest Red and Purple, I would just like to say that Irks wonderful atmosphere and its hospitible leaders are more than enough to make my visit here memorable. Don't trouble yourselves." I bowed. (A/C:tactful, isn't she?)

They just stared at me in silence. They blinked once or twice. A few more seconds passed.

This is a dramatic pause.

The suspence is killing you.

Silence is golden.

This makes the bar thingy make it look like I wrote more.

Almost there.

Patiece...

(Insert dramatic music that builds up slowly to climatic moment)

"I LIKE HER!" Purple proclaimed loudly and came over to stand closer to us.

"So do I Purple. So do I." Red came closer as well.

"My Tallest, you will be glad to know that my plans to conquer Earth are going well!" Zim said proudly.

"Hmm? Thats great Zim." Red pushed him out of the way and made his path to me. "Now what did he say your name was? Cat? Hmm... Good. I am eager to start the lessons as soon as possible." He put an arm 'round me and started to guide me outside.

"But Sir! You have an important meeting with the ambassador of Texenia in twenty minutes, and you have to pass the new air law and--" An Irken came near us with a stack of papers and was looking frantic.

"Those things can wait but the donuts are getting soggy!" Purple pushed him out and urged for Red to continue to take me outside.

"But, My Tallest! Do you not wish to hear of Zim's plans?" Zim had puppy dog eyes.

"Later Zim. We have important business to attend to here."

I gave a last glance to the forlorn face of my green companion. It darn near broke my heart to see him so down. His red reflective eyes downcast after yet again being rejected by the leaders he so adored. His antennae lowered as his ego was hurt once more.

After about four hours of nothing but jellyfilled donuts and basic toppings for potential deep fried pastries, I was finally getting through to them.

"Look! I can tell between a donut made with eggs and donuts made with powdered eggs!" Purple held up a cheese filled donut triumphantly and took a proud bite.

"Yeah? Well, I can name every single ingrediant put into a donut, BACKWARDS! So YEAH! GOT OWNED!" Red made this really weird gangsta style hand signal and the two leaders of one of the most powerful planets in the universe fell down laughing with brownsuger donuts stuffed in their open mouths.

"Ummm... Your Tallnessess...ssess?" I raised a hand tentavily.

"Tell us our teacher." Red bowed.

"Well, this is my first time on Irk and I would kinda like to look around you know? Maybe see the sights? A few souvineers would be nice..." I turned my face downward, afraid I might be pushing my luck.

"SURE! I'll escort you myself!" Red started to push open the door and was nudging me out when the same Irken from before came to report that there was a bombthreat near the mainbrain. (A/N: 'nother brain rhyme. Hehe.)

"Darn it! Well I guess we could just send Zim." They both slumped back to their donuts and sulked.

Purple also looked disappointed. "Hey! We could go tommorow!" He brightened.

"Yeah!" Red agreed. "But in the meantime..."He opened the door. "Zim!"

Zim rushed in and saluted. "Yes, MY TALLEST!"

"Take this girl around the quadrent. Show her what Irk has to offer." Red said in monotone.

"Awww... I wanted to see how she did on the LiquidKidneybuster at Widowland." Purple pouted. I gulped at the name Widowmaker.

(A/O: If you turn ZIM's name upside down it spells WIZ. Surely you are impressed. But there really is more to life than making shallow fairly obvious observations (Seinfeld). End of observation.)

"But she is human! She will be noticed, and is completely ignorant of our planets way of doing things..." Zim argued.

"Just do it Zim! And stay away from the military bases new weapons." Red exited followed by Purple.

"YAY!" I couldn't help it. Zim gave me a glare.

"Aww... Come on Zim. It'll be fun!" I took his arm and led him out.

We arrived at the shopping metropolis in about what I thought to be 20 minutes. It was just so full of energy and busy that it was rather intimidating to think I would be walking among the people of this planet soon. As we stepped out of the vootcruiser I looked for the one shop that I have had on my mind since I started to formulate a plan in my brilliant brain.

UNISEX UNIFORMS the sign on a very low building read. I could see maniquens of Irkens in the window modeling the same uniform every other plastic being wore. I called out to Zim that I was going into the store and he kinda just waved that he heard as he argued with a fellow Irken about the outrageous price of a parking space big enough for the voot.

I entered the empty store and was followed by a very loud Gir. A bored employee sat at the front of the business behind a large counter. The store had rows and rows of purple uniforms. Males on one side, females on the other. I headed for the more femenine part of the room and had a bit of trouble deciding which size I should go for; everything was in Irken.

I found something that looked like it might fit, held it up, judged its worthiness and asked, "Where are the fitting rooms?"

The employee pointed lazily to the back of the room.

After having tried about 17 different suits, I finally found the perfect fit. I walked up to the counter. Asked if I could exchange my American money for Irken and purchased an Irken uniform. (A/N: I need another word for Irken.)

I went back to the fitting rooms (quickly for Gir was destroying half the store) and put my plan into efftect. I took out my Green face makeup and slathered it all over my face and neck. I then took out my bunny ears, tore off the felt leaving only the protruding wires and put that on my head. Following that I slipped on my black boots and gloves. My red, oval, sunglasses were next and to complete the disguise I pulled out my red and white back pack from my luggage. (A/N: Cartoon style I'm sure that this would look cute but in real life I think she would look CREEPY!)

There. I looked totally and completly Irken. Well...save for the below shoulder wavy black hair but I'm sure that noone will notice.

I walked out of the fitting rooms with my head held high. The employee watched me go by and made a double take and was left with a confused look as I took Gir's hand and was about to leave the store but bumped into Zim instead.

"Oh, sorry." Zim didn't meet my eyes as he stood back to let me pass. He too made a double take and narrowed his eyes in a suspicious way.

I just stood there, trying not to smile and failing miserably.

"Cathuman?" He widened his eyes.

"WHERE?!" Gir looked around. "Master? Where is the girl? She was here but she dissapeared! Just like all my oreos..." He gave the floor a sad look.

"Cathuman why are you dressed that way?" Zim put his hands on his hips and made one eye bigger than the other.

"Who is this "Cathuman" of which you speak?" I tried to look confused and stifled giggles.

"That disguise is ridiculous! What are you thinking? You're not going to fool anybody Cathuman." He crossed his arms.

"Of course I will... Just watch!" I walked out of the store with Gir in hand and waited for Zim to come by my side. "Just show me whatever it is you were going to show me." I gestured to the scenery.

He gritted his teeth and said, "This isn't going to work," and led me down the street.

We walked around and to both Zim and mines surprise, absolutely noone gave a second glance in our direction. I blended in perfectly. Even the younger Irkens couldn't care less about my look and instead made fun of the shorter Irkens or of subordinate ones. This was perfect!

"I don't understand. No one is realizing that you are not a local!" Zim looked around desperately, hoping for someone to yell out that my disguise was a hoax or to at least stare. But no one did.

"I am a genius!" I shook my head and smiled.

"I can't believe these people can't see through your disguise." He was now angry. "Its just so bad!"

"Apparently not!" I said as I took a free sample from a shop that appeared to sell slurpees. The girl that was giving out the dessert smiled and told me to have a nice day.

"People on Irk are nice." I said and sampled my slurpee thing while Zim tore at his antennae.

I waited patiently for Zim to finish his tantrum. I scanned the crowd lazily but my eye was caught by a true injustice. Gir had found a group of young male Irkens who, by the looks of things, wern't very nice. They were pushing Gir around and laughing at his nonsensicle antics! This made me angry, very, very, angry. This was different from laughing at Gir on screen. I laughed at him because he was just so damned cute, but these guys were just plain mean! Something inside of me made me want to rip those Irkens to shreds! Since I've come into this world, Gir has been my charge. I tolerated him and played with him and just plain cared for him. Call it a maternal extinct but whatever it was they were not going to push around my little Gir!

I figured Zim wasn't noticing this cruelty since he was too busy yelling at his own people for not noticing an alien in disguise, so, I took charge. My steps were confident and sure as I made my way to the group of boys and spoke my mind.

"HEY! Whats your problem?!" I entered their little circle and stood in front of Gir protectively.

"Whats yours? Your kinda killing our fun here. Move it!" The one that had been holding Gir by the antennae came up to me. He stood quite a few inches above me but for some reason this didn't process in my mind. I just wanted to plain kill him. His eyes glared and his friends moved in for a closer look.

"My problem is you and you're friends being jerks!" I crossed my arms to prevent myself from shoving him.

"Hey, we were just minding our own business! Get lost!" Another spoke.

"I will! But I just hope that jerks like you all go to Hell! How dare you kick around a helpless robot. " I said as I gathered Gir into my arms. He seemed confused and frightened. It broke my heart to think he just might have been tramatized by this entire thing. What would an abused Gir be like? He trusted people... Would he still? (A/N: Poor Gir! I demand satisfaction!)

"All right brake it up! Brake it up people!" An even taller Irken came to the crowd and was waving long, flimsy, arms around. I was grateful for the peacemaker and was already leaving the crowd when a gloved hand caught my shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going? We're leaving, go join your group!" The teacher/peacemaker person pushed me towards a group of female Irkens in an orderly line that were entering a green hoverbus followed by another bus for the males.

"No! You don't understand. See, I'm with him over there. I was just---" I tried to explain to the teacher and get out of the line but was quickly being pushed into the bus. My attempts to push through were futile and the teacher had ignored me completely. I called out to Zim but he was to far to hear.

"I'm not supposed to be here! LET ME OUT!" The others were not exactly happy to have someone go in the opposite direction is such limited space so I was forced into a seat next to some other girl. The line was filling up the whole bus so quickly that getting to the exit would be a vain attempt at freedom so I decided to wait till things calmed enough for me to leave. Everyone wasn't even seated when the bus started to pull out. The roar of the rocket drowned out my voice when I attempted to ask the driver to stop the vehicle. Finally everything was quiet and I was already standing up to tell the driver to turn around when a female teacher requested that everyone sing some popular Irken song. That got everyone started, drowning out my voice yet again. I sat down defeated, hoping that maybe Gir had some sort of tracking device or communicator. In the mean time, I wondered where this bus was headed.

"I've never seen you before... Are you new?" The girl next to me asked.

I blinked. Just happy that someone was actually friendly throughout all of this. "Not really. Well, I guess I am. See, I'm kind of here by mistake. These punks were messing with Gir here," I gestured to Gir, " So I decided to give them a piece of my mind but I was then interuptted--"

"LETS SING THE CAMPFIRE SONG!" The teacher stood and started the class as a conductor would an orchestra. I heard someone ask what a campfire was.

That wretched singing continued for minutes which to me seemed two eternities. In the course of this field trip I found out that this was the class of 3010 in the elite Irken Invader Academy and that this bus was headed for the prestigious school itself. This might be interesting...

Gir seemed to be a bit more like himself since my seat partner couldn't get over his cuteness. All of the attention made him happy and by transition theory, I was happy.

After a few more of the most brain wrenching songs, I finally saw the elite academy that Zim was so proud of attending.

The school floated in mid air and swarms of young Irkens flooded the building. Everyone was in organized lines and marched in synchronized time. Loudspeakers with voices so stern blasted throughout the halls and the perimeter of the area. There were closed off places with battlefields and war machines. There were students that were jogging with gigantic backpacks and others that were in target practice; I knew this because one stray grenade struck the chainlink fence about 15 feet from the line I was forced to stand in after the trip was over.

I figured my chances of getting help from the older Irkens would be futile so the first chance I got I told Gir to open his head and connect to Zim. But before he could do this the same obnoxious leader from before told communication to the outside world was strictly forbidden.

"Great." I said quietly. Now what was I going to do?

"Hey, since your new you can hang out with me." My seat partner said kindly.

"Thank you. My name is Cat." I smiled.

"Not a problem Cat. My name is Zeema." (A/N: There really is an Irken female named Zeema. I know things. ;))

"Well, like I was saying before, I really shouldn't be here. See, I was kind of just put here but I'm sure that these annoying counselers will hopefully realize that when I don't have a class schedule." I explained.

"Group number 7890345632.5 this is now your third year of training. Congradulations. You have all just entered the junior level of this academy and proved yourselves worthy by helping our Tallest in protecting the rights and safety of our people. So, here are your new training schedules!" A teacher started to hand out green forms.

"Oh no…" I groaned. Now I'm in trouble. Somehow I felt that much running might be involved in "training."

I was given the same schedule as my unit, (which was now a mixture of girls and boys) and everyone was excited and disappointed by the different classes they got.

"We all go to the same classes?" I asked Zeema.

"Of course!" She answered. "Or else there might be cause for confusion.

"And everyone here will be an invader once they graduate?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Well, not everybody will be one, only a select few are bestowed such an honor. But yes, everyone qualifies." She answered. "As for me, I want to be one of those select few. That's why I'm going to learn as much as I can and prove myself." She got a gleam to her eye when she said this.

"'Kay." I replied. "What are classes usually like around here?"

"Oh, well, the usual classes only more advanced. History of war, battle techniques, equipment care and management, social behavior and etiquette, math, Irken, physical conditioning, and French.

(A/N: Hehe. Couldn't resist mate).

"Oh dear." I massaged my temples nervously. "Gir! Contact Zim… Gir?" I looked around and found that he was dangerously close to the battlefeild. I retrieved him and saw that my group was moving towards a building. I followed Zeema closely for fear of getting lost in one of the many hallways we were going through.

We reached a classroom. It was very clean and simple. The lighting was similer to a hospitals and the only decoration was the maps on the walls that looked nothing like earth's. A tall old looking Irken stood in the middle of the room. He told us to take our seats and to say what we had to now and then not make a sound for the remaining year. Oh, boy…

**(A/N: I updated quickly! Yay… So yeah, the next chapter is going to be fun to work with. So many possibilities! This chapter and the next was going to be combined but I figured you guys have suffered enough and that this one was long enough anyhow. Sooo… Tell me what you think. 'kay? I will now continue writing.**

**Oh yeah, I have a question. You've all seen that little signal above the eight at the top of your keyboard right? Well, in a review or e-mail what does two of them next to each other mean? If anybody knows please tell. I would like to know.Be honest! I see it everywhere and my mind is filled with curiosity. Tell me in the review that you WILL give me. Thank you for your cooperation. **

**Sneak preview for next chapter. Cat will experience a bit o class time and… I don't know… stuff will happen I guess. End of preview.).**


	9. You're a riot, you really are

-1Chapter 8

(A/n: Heellooo readers! Sorry I took long. Homework and all. Anyhow, here it is. Enjoy!) 

Cat's POV

I took a seat next to Zeema opposite the window. Inspecting the class carefully, I had an overwhelming feeling that I had been here before. It was incredibly frustrating and I tried to figure out what it could possibly be. It had a huge window on one side that overlooked deep space and part of the entrance of the school and the other wall (the one I was sitting near) had a map of Irk. Over the teacher's desk was the Irken alphabet that continued onto the other four walls. The thing that resembled a chalkboard at the front of the classroom was a large screen and it had a lever that went back and forth over it that stated the words YOU WILL OBEY in holographic print. A monitor hung near a corner with a loudspeaker next to it. The teachers desk was made of metal and it hovered three inches above the ground (which I thought seemed utterly useless). And to top it all off, there was an orange at the corner of the desk and a smiley face cup right next to it.

"This is your third year of training at the third school. This is a required class by the government who, for some reason, think that your brains are worthy enough of receiving such important information." The old teacher started. "As for me, if I were in charge, you would all be put to work as laborers at the local zoo for handicap Weiner dogs!"

The entire class gasped (except for me of course).

"My name is Mr. Acrimonious and I will be your teacher of History where the military is involved." He turned to write on the board.

It was then that I remembered Gir was here. Luckily he had kept still and silent through out this. But luck has a way of running out.

"I want to go the bathroom! And I want to find a toilet and I want to name it Fred! Then it'll have little toilet babies, and there names will all be BOB! And then the whole world will-" Gir was standing on a table and making this strange proclamation for everyone to hear. I was sinking in my seat and scanning my brain for a way out of all this (and hoping it was all just a dream).

"WHO SAID THAT?!" Mr. Acrimonious turned suddenly and looked around in an angry panic.

"I DID! IT WAS ME! AREN'T I CUTE?" Gir jumped up and down and waved his arms furiously.

Mr. Acrimonious furrowed his eyebrows, clenched his teeth and pointed to the door. " The hall pass is right there." And he turned to continue writing.

I was in awe as Gir just hopped off the desk, cart wheeled to the door, grabbed the hall pass and jet packed out the door. And know one gave this a second glance.

"Gir!" I called softly but in vain. Now I would have to look for him before leaving.

I sunk in my seat and stared straight ahead. This was horrible.

I saw some Irken kid near the window in the first row of seats with zigzaggy antennas raise his hand and call the teachers name.

"Yes?" An annoyed teacher asked.

"Mr. Acrimonious, there is an alien in our classroom. I just thought you should know." The Irken boy stared at me as he said this. He seemed a regular Irken, except for the unusual antennas and melancholic blue eyes. He was angry as the rest of the class murmured that they didn't see an alien and accused other classmates of being aliens. I laughed.

"But she's right there!" He leaped and pointed at me frantically. The class, again, looked around in mystery.

"YOU IDIOTS! RIGHT THERE!" He stood in front of my desk and pointed at me directly. I sunk even more.

"I don't know Cal, you've always been crazy and stuff." A female Irken said behind me.

"Yeah! Remember that times he said he discovered Victoria's secret was that Victoria was actually a guy named Victor?" A male said with an eye which seemed to be permanently suspicious.

"Uh huh. And he also said that the Tallest were actually having an affair!" Someone else volunteered.

"Arrghhh! I was mal informed about that by some random website where fiction is written by insane people! And this has nothing to do with my study of the Pop cultural. This is an alien!" He stood on a desk and pointed wildly at me. "An alien!" He said for dramatic effect.

"Haha..?" I laughed nervously. "You're a riot Cal, you really are." I said this and opened the desk and tried to kind of hide beneath the covering.

He put his hand flat on the top and pushed down with a slam. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "If your Irken then explain this." He gestured towards my hair.

I thought fast. "It's a… umm…" The class leaned in to hear my explanation. "A tumor?"

All heads then turned to face Cal.

"You're sick Cal. Making fun of a terminal patient. How low can you go?" Someone in back said.

"Yeah, you think you're so cool but you're just insane." Another said.

"But…" Cal tried; though defeated.

CLASS HAS NOW ENDED. PLEASE REPORT TO SECOND PERIOD.

I couldn't help but notice that the teacher had remained silent through out all of this.

Zeema walked with me and a couple of other girls to the second classroom.

"What's next on the list?"

"Social behaviors and etiquette." She answered as we walked into a second classroom.

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Zim's POV

I lost her. I had turned my back for ONE SECOND and she was gone. The world seemed to spin in a blurry haze as I looked for her. This was NOT GOOD! What of the Tallest? What would they say? How would I, INVADER ZIM approach the greatest beings in the universe to tell them I lost their…guest… person…donut teacher? No, I couldn't do it.

I searched and called for her name. I realized Gir might be able to find her but I remembered he had a habit of clinging to her so I couldn't do that. But, Gir did have a tracking device on him so…

I checked with my invader software finder on my arm and saw that my minion was somewhere in this quadrant. A closer look revealed that the pair were in… The Academy?

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Servant Drone's POV

"HAHAHAHA! You know that is SO true! We really should make all of the massive black with white specks, 'cause then we would be to invisible to anyone looking for our ship!" My leader with the purple uniform said as he lifted himself up from falling down laughing.

"And then, whoever was looking for us will get lost!" Red pitched in.

That got them both laughing again.

"Hey, I have another idea, what if we make all the servant drones wear goofy hats and matching shoes?" Asked Purple.

"That is the BEST idea I have ever heard! Lets do it!" Red agreed.

I hate life.

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Cat's POV

This classroom was a bit more comforting than the other. It was colorful and had mannequins with old fashioned (I think) looking clothing. Their was posters with rules and rules of etiquette, even some that went back to the 1600s in my world.

"Will everyone please take a seat?" An ancient female Irken woman asked as she stepped out of the dark corner near the right end of the classroom.

We all took a timid step towards the seats and were soon settled in as she began to write her name on the board.

"My name is Ms. Prude," I stifled a giggle. "And I will teach you about common Irken etiquette." I wondered if this was a required class when Zim came here.

"In this class, you will learn to carry yourselves with grace. This, may be the single most important class you will ever take." I rolled my eyes. All teachers thought what they taught was the single most important thing in the universe. " Because, without etiquette class, everything you do will be in vain. What is the point if you discover a new element if you are not respected enough by your peers to share you discovery? How do you contribute to society with out advancing in this world simply because of your crude ways?" This teacher wasn't to bad. I was actually interested in the study of behaviour. Three thirds of the world could use a few lessons.

"We will begin by introducing ourselves." She walked to the left of the classroom and brought forth a small box. When she opened it a bunch of small onion shaped things sprang out and landed on our desks. It smoked and whirred and shook so violently I pushed my chair backwards in fear that it might explode in front of me. It didn't. It simply unfolded like a paper and raised itself to produce a folderlike moniter.

"You will all mingle using one of the following phrases." She began to zap the statements on a theatre screen like board.

The other students began to write down the information by means of pointing the moniters to the screen which fired a green lazer that began to scan the words.

I looked down and was dumbfounded as to how this process worked. When I finally did discover how the lazer process worked, I stopped my celebrating as the realization that these words were in Irken hit.

"You will receive signatures from all of the people with whom you mingle. You must introduce your selves to everyone. No exceptions." The teacher said this gravely and walked through a door that clearly led to a room in the back of the board.

I realized that this little command would be watched be her so not doing the assignment would not be tolerated.

With a sigh I rose, as did the other students who were shy about introductions.

How am I going to do this? If they spoke English, why did they need a different alphabet? It made no sense.

I looked around, wondering how to start. I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I spun around to meet a pair of blue oval eyes. Oh dear… This wouldn't be easy.

"I know who you are." Cal said. "And if you think you can just disguise yourself and do whatever it is you plan on doing then you're wrong! I will prove that you are an alien if it's the last thing I do." He folded his arms; clearly ready for my retaliation. But I love to dissapoint.

"All right, you got me." I raised my hands in surrender.

He blinked. "Oh." He then scratched his shoulder.

There was a pause.

"So… Are you going to turn yourself in?" He asked after a while.

"Its not necessary." I answered. I then went on to explain my little incident in Zim's lab and how I was invited to Irk and why I was here in the school.

"Wow! An honorary invitation with the Tallest!" He said in amazement.

"So, you're not planning on taking over Irk."

"Far from it." I answered. "My planet is supposedly in danger of Zim taking over. Though, that's not really as serious as it should sound." I shrugged.

"Well, anyway, this assignment is starting to get intimidating. If you could please translate?" I held out the monitor.

"Sure."

After a bit more of his interviewing me, we decided that we should continue the assignment.

I introduced myself to a few more Irkens, but could see that I had a lot more to go. As I looked around, I was quickly turned in a different direction and was being led to the corner of the room.

"Look guys, its my friend from the trip." I recognized that voice.

It was the tall Irken jerk from before (Gir's personal bully) and he had his arm around my shoulder in false familiarity (which, I thought, was strange since Irkens were usually quite detached from strangers). He led me to his companions that stood there in the dark corner; they were not thrilled to see me.

"Come," He grinned, " Lets mingle." With that he sat and pulled me onto his lap. "These are the boys." He gestured to his gang.

"This is Brit." He pointed to a short Irken with a tall forehead.

"Rex." A really muscely Irken.

"Trix." A skinny Irken.

"Crypt." A serious looking Irken that for some reason I thought was planning my death.

"Cuttle." An overexcited looking Irken grinned and started to laugh insanely.

"And I'm Walt." He grinned evilly.

I didn't want to cause a fight so I tried to get off his lap and just follow Zeema around but was held back by his hold on my waist. "You know for a third year Irken student of the academy you are REALLY immature. Let go!" I hissed.

"But you just got here." He said innocently. "Besides, you still need our signatures. He took my board/monitor and gave it to his friends to sign.

"So? What is your name?" He said, menace in his voice.

"Cat." I answered. Not at all happy to be this close to a person I disliked so greatly.

"Well Cat, I think if we could look past our first meeting, then we can be great friends." He grinned.

That was it.

I decided that he would need a bit more convincing on my part for me to get away from this band of evil so I used a tactic I hoped would work.

"OWW!!!" Walt clenched his teeth and tried to stifle cries of pain as he rose and let me free. I had pulled on his antennae hard enough to hurt and apparently that amount was great. He was still clutching his antennae when I looked back at him, safely from across the room.

Nobody had noticed the little quarrel so I slipped back into the crowd unnoticed.

"Class, I hope you all got the opportunity to make new acquaintances." Ms. Prude came out and stood in front as we all scurried to our seats.

CLASS HAS NOW ENDED. PLEASE REPORT TO DAYBREAK.

I could only assume that meant recess/ nutrition.

As I waited for the masses to make their way through the door I was joined by Cal.

"So… Do you need to go anywhere specifically right now?" Cal asked casually.

"Actually, I'm looking for Gir." I answered while searching for the mischievous little robot.

"Gir?" He asked.

"Just imagine a really retarded sir unit." I answered.

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Zim's POV

I arrived at the Academy. How I hated it here. I operate much easier alone in matters of invading. I wondered how the Cathuman had been doing, alone, in an enclosed area full of stoic, merciless, fighter blooded Irkens. I hoped I wasn't too late.

I had expected to pick her out eaisely from the crowd but was unable to since the student population was much higher then I remembered. This was not going well.

I walked around campus, trying to block out those HORRIBLE memories of disgusting food and drills. Besides that, the rest of it was tolerable.

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Cat's POV

Cal and I were wandering around the school, keeping an eye out for a different color within the sea of green and red/purple. The school, I realized, was GINORMOUS. Woe is me.

"So, tell me Cat, what would your say Earth is like?" Cal came to join me as we wandered into a less occupied part of the open space.

"Its bluer." I said simply. "But apparently not that different."

He frowned; not knowing what I meant exactly.

"Funnily enough, Irk is more similar to Earth then I had expected. I mean, you all speak English for God's sake." I laughed.

"Irkenese you mean." He responded.

"'Kay." Was all I answered.

Just then a tall, old looking, Irken with a back as straight as a ruler stopped in front of us, clearly demanding attention. Cal stopped in midstep and froze into a salute, face stern and stoic.

Cal's reaction startled me and instead of pausing gracefully I bumped into the Irken and knocked off a badge so carefully sown to his uniform. The Irken eyed me suspiciously.

"Sorry!" I apologized quickly and pathetically tried to place the badge back on (failing miserably) while trying to look very apologetic.

Cal, meanwhile had barely even breathed through out my ordeal. He did, however, manage to save me without budging an inch.

"SIR!" He started, getting the Irken's attention. "I apologize for the Irken female's lack of proper military conduct and respect for an Irken officer, SIR!" He kept his gaze steady and squared his shoulders. "She is from another district and has yet to learn our schools style, SIR!"

'Thank you Cal.' I said in my head. I hope its enough to save me though…

"Is this true?" The Irken bore his lusterless, grey, orblike eyes on me.

I quickly imitated Cal's stance and answered, "SIR YES SIR!"

"No need to shout." He replied and turned to Cal. 

"Student 3751950.6, I wanted to ask you a question." The Irken took out a silver container, pressed a few buttons and projected a holographic video. "Can you identify this person?" 

The video began. It started with Cal sneaking up to a door. He then uncovered a cage he had brought with him revealing a small, monkeylike creature with a blonde wig. Cal himself put on a black ski mask type of thing and continued to open the door. He shoved the monkey into the darkened room. He then walked over to where the camara was and waited. A few minutes later, the same monkey came out followed by another monkey. Cal (mask still on) then came around to the side of the screen and proceeded to say, " So this proves it. Wilson Numero, vice principle and squiddle coach, is using school funds to buy monkeys. My sources also say that he selling them for bush meat but that just might be false and will be investigated. This has been another exclusive on Mystifying Mysteries with

Spider Man (Cat:I laughed here). Log in next time on Egocylinder to hear the truth!" A really corny end song started to play when a flash of yellow, some screeching and a mask being pulled off to reveal Cal's head ending the show.

"Stupid monkey." Cal glowered.

"Well?" The Irken waited.

Thinking fast, I searched for any explanation. I owed him.

"SIR!" I started. "The face on screen was none other than the Irken known as Walt. I know so because I was asked to partake in his shenanigans (A/n: I like that word.) but refused. Indeed, it is known as a senior prank!" I kept my gaze steady and lips pursed.

"But he is a junior." The Irken answered.

"Exactly sir!" Both Irkens gave me a WTF look.

"Hmm… Alright. You're free to go." He waved us away.

I sighed in relief.

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Dibby's POV

I've never gotten lost before… Of all times why now?

The coordinates were right there. But the planet in front of me was a frozen sphere with no inhabitants. Grrrrr, something was wrong. I thought the situation through and decided that there must have been an extreme planet orbit that was affecting the course. I slapped my head for not having thought through the situation.

Meanwhile, I could only imagine the horrors Cat must be going though…

Just then, a signal on the screen let me know that a transmission was trying to get through. I clicked a button and I immediately heard screaming.

It was the robot. Zim's minion I guess. He didn't seem to notice me at all until I called out to him.

"Oh… HI DIB! Iz me!!!" He waved and licked the monitor.

"Umm… Hey?" I was confused. "Why are you calling me?"

"Ummm…." He wondered for a while. "Oh yeah… Have yoooouu seen the Cat human? I can't find her… And she has my pistachios!" He looked sad. I jumped at Cat's name.

"No. Umm, where are you? Do you have the coordinates of the planet you're on?" I took a notepad.

"Ummm…" He paused a while. "Yes!"

He gave me the coordinates but was interrupted by something he heard. I recognized Cat's voice.

"Gotta go!" He cut the transmission.

"NO WAIT!" Damn it all.

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( A/n: Chapter complete. Hurrah! So, any how. I would just like to congradulate ( theifkingbakura1-anon) for guessing that I would put a Dib counterpart in the story. When I read the review I was like, "WOW!! HOW DID THEY DO THAT?! MA! THEY'RE READING MY MIND!" So yeah. Great minds can't come up with original ideas I guess. Thanks for the review Kingb. Thank you to everyone.

Teaser situation to make your brain tingle. Reviewers vote on the following question ( If theres good results I'll use it in the story):

Say Cat is confronted by Walt who has just found out she framed him. Her life is in danger, blah, blah, blah, no hope of escape, yadda, yadda, yadda, and Gir will be used for scrap metal, ect, ect, …

Who will be the hero and save her? (What do YOU want to see?)

A) Cal

B) Dib

C) Zim

D) Crypt

E) Both A & B

F) Both A & C

G) Both B & C

(I just want to see a fight and couldn't decide. Came up with the idea just now).


End file.
